Lily's Charm- Severitus fanfiction

Hold on

1996

Harry just stopped short of pushing the door hard enough to slam it. He caught it against the tips of his fingers so that it only closed with a dull sort of splat. What the hell was he doing anyway, having a tantrum like a four year old? But he’d earned this hadn’t he? He fumed silently as he paced in front of his bed, a nervous habit he’d only just realized he’d picked up somewhere.

And just what the hell did his dad think he was doing? Hadn’t he let his fear rule him to the point of destruction enough times? Did his father honestly think he was just going to run away? For five years, he’d been stalked by Voldemort and not once had he run. He wasn’t likely to start now. Who cared that it was a risk to try to activate the Charm? Hadn’t Severus even noticed that he cared little for risks?

Of course he’d noticed! And what other choice was there? Walking around with Voldemort inside him? With another burst of anger, Harry threw himself on his bed, nearly sitting on his mum’s photo album, where he’d set it this morning. With an agitated jerk, he pulled the heavy book up, intending to toss it unceremoniously up on his little table. He sighed. His Pensieve…no James’ Pensieve he corrected himself was still sitting there. He'd meant to ask his dad about it several times over the past few days, but he’d always stopped himself, thinking about the expression on his dad’s face when he discovered it had been James who had left him the memories.

And Harry had to admit, he was still shocked at the development. He, just like Remus hadn’t realized that James and Severus could have actually been friends. It was just too strange. If only James had managed to deliver the Pensieve, none of them would even be in this mess. How long were circumstances going to conspire against them? And how long was his father going to be stuck in denial?

With another angry tug, Harry wrenched the album open, not really wanting to look through the pictures as usually they filled him with a kind of elusive comfort, but not tonight. He stared at James and his father, blinking up at him from the page and he frowned at them. Why hadn’t his father just waited? If he could have just trusted them…

He opened page after page, his jaw clenching in ever increasing fury with each new photo. His mum had been happy. Even James had seemed happy. His younger self had been happy as well. How could his father have been so blind?

And the next page made Harry's anger still. Severus was cradling little Harry and he was smiling. Actually smiling, his lips curved up in a spontaneous and delighted smile as he gazed down at his son.

Before he could stop the convulsive movement, Harry’s fingers scrabbled against the photo, his anger and grief forcing the photo to rip noisily from the page. Harry bunched the entire page up in his other fist, flinging the album from him again.

His father had already lost him once.

Of course his father was terrified and all at once, Harry knew. He understood what his father was feeling. That memory of his fear for his father’s life on Halloween was still raw, the gaping hole not yet filled. How could he have been such a prat, going on about people making choices for him? Why wouldn’t his father want to make this choice for him?

What did he expect his dad to do? Watch with indifference as Harry strolled up to Voldemort and asked him lazily to cast the Killing Curse on him? He’d meant it when he had told Malfoy he would do anything to save his father. And his father would feel the same. What was wrong with him, carrying on about being sick of everything?