The World Went Dark

Chapter 10

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The spot where his hand was placed on my cheek felt hot. It feels like time is standing still. All I can hear is the thumping of my chest filling the atmosphere. I shut my eyes tight as Bokuto leaned forward. Suddenly I felt my whole body become engulfed in comfortable warmth. I froze. Bokuto was hugging me. One of his hands was still on my cheek and the other was rubbing light circles at the small of my back. My forehead was pressed onto his bare shoulder and his hand slid from my cheek to the back of my head. I could feel his warm, bare skin heating my face. I let my hands dangle awkwardly at my sides. "If you're uncomfortable just push me away." He said quietly. I want to push him away. I really do. Not because I'm uncomfortable; but because this is the most comfortable I have felt in a very long time. I shouldn't want to stay like this. I should push him away. I have to.

So why can't I?

Instead, I reluctantly lifted my arms and locked my hands together around his waist, and sobbed. The tears flowed out of my eyes like a dam that has finally been broken. On the rare occasion that I would cry, Kuroo and Kenma have always just given me my space. And at the time, that's what I thought I wanted and needed. But Bokuto just let me cry and didn't let go. He continued to rub circles on my back and didn't say a word. This is the quietest I have ever seen him. Usually, it seems hard for him to stay quiet. If he has to go more than a few minutes without talking he gets fidgety. But I've come to realize he has a certain tranquility reserved just for me and moments like this. And right now he is as calm as the city below us. I can't believe I'm crying in front of someone, let alone someone I barely know! This is so embarrassing. I should simply just lunge myself off of the roof; death seems like a better option than this. 

I heard a sharp sigh escape Bokuto as if he had been holding his breath, "You didn't push me away..." He said, almost incredulously. I released a pathetic whimper in response. What could I have said to that? I didn't have an explanation as to why I didn't push him away. All I knew is I didn't want to. I could feel his fingers carefully fiddling with my hair. Every movement of his hand on my back was electrifying. I could hear his heartbeat so clearly and feel the rise and fall of his shoulders with each breath. It's as if all of my senses are heightened. 

I don't know how long we stayed like this. I didn't think of Bokuto as the patient type but he just keeps surprising me. After what felt like forever, I turned my head to look out at the view again, resting the side of my face on Bokuto's shoulder. I kept my arms in place around Bokuto and he must have understood to not move because he didn't. He readjusted his hand on my head and continued circling his other on my back. 

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath in and released it slowly. I feel so pathetic. The tears had finally stopped but I could still feel a slight tremble with each breath I took. I opened my eyes once more. I didn't notice it before, but the city being dark illuminated the stars 100 times brighter. Sure, Setagaya's twinkling lights have always been pretty, but this view is beautiful. It's like you can see every star from a billion galaxies away. I wonder if the stars are actually brighter right now, or if they just feel brighter because of Bokuto.

I felt Bokuto stifle a yawn. It must be really late. I feel guilty for making him stay out this long. I let my arms fall back to my side and I could feel Bokuto's hands freeze. They hovered just over where they were previously resting. "I'm sorry for keeping us out so late, Bokuto. We can go back in now." I said, trying to not let my voice waver. I knew my face was all puffy and red from crying so I probably looked ridiculous. Bokuto pulled away.

"Oh! No, it's okay, really. I didn't mind sitting out here with you!" He smiled, "Are you ready to go back inside?" I nodded my head and grinned back at him. We began making our way down the staircase. "Going down is so much easier than going up." He went a while without talking so I'm not shocked he's trying to up his word count now. I laughed but didn't say anything. After a few awkward seconds that felt like minutes, he spoke once again, "Hey, um... 'Kaashi? How do you feel?"