One Day After School

03: Huling sandali

_Pretty_poisonous_
One day, after school

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Chapter 03: Huling sandali

Weeks passed in a blink of an eye. The colorful flowers, different people, the green grass on the school's field, the golden orange illuminating the sky every 5:00 pm - everything's beautiful. Nothing's wrong, nothing's gonna change. . .

Or so I thought?

I plastered a small smile on my face while standing on the fourth floor. Nakabukas pa rin ang pintuan ng classroom namin, hindi ko pa nailolock.

I sighed while closing my eyes, feeling every beat of my heart. I love watching everything up here. I am happy while staring at them, living their lives as the way they want it to be. No chains, no controlling parents, and with their true friends.

I took a deep breath before placing my hands on the green colored metal in front of me.

Is this it?

"No regrets, Solana... No regrets." I whispered while finding my confidence and strength to do what I planned to do.

I started pushing my self, lifting my body upwards. My left foot reached the top of the railing, which is made of new painted hollow blocks with a green metal lying horizontally on the top of it.

Nang masiguro 'kong pwede nang iapak ang isa ko pang paa, mabilis ko itong ginawa habang nakakapit ng mahigpit sa kulay green na bakal.

No one's gonna notice me up in here, it's already quarter to six. Late na late na ako sa time na nasa schedule ko.

Dahan-dahan akong tumayo habang binabalanse ang sarili. Kumapit ako sa pader na nasa gilid ko na nagsisilbing foundation ng building.

Nalula ako sa taas ng kinatatayuan ko, but I already made my mind.

Ilang beses ko nang naisip na gawin 'to, pero wala eh. I don't know where to find strength to do these things. Ito ang unang beses na desididong-desidido akong gawin ang bagay na 'to.

For the first time ever in my life, I found the courage to end this shitty cycle. I heard people saying that coming out of your comfort zone is the best decision they made.

Napaisip ako bigla. Like, what if ako rin? Bullshits.

It's been a month since this school year started, yet why do I feel that it's been decades since this things happened to me?

Wala namang nagbago. Akala ko... Akala ko kapag sumuway ako at hindi sinunod 'yung oras na plinano ng Mommy eh may magbabago. Tangina, akala ko lang pala.

I've been praying, wishing, and asking for help; for someone or something to save me from the depths of darkness, from the darkest corner of this room, from the anxiety and depression that's been swallowing me.

Hindi ko ba deserve mabuhay ng normal? Hindi ko ba deserve na sumaya? If that's the case, then fuck this life. Fuck my parents, fuck that schedule, fuck them all.

I feel like running in circles. The chain on my neck is killing me.

How can I break free? How? How? How? How?

"HOW?!" I shouted helplessly. I can feel the wetness subsiding on my cheeks, and the shattering beat of my heart. My mind's in full chaos and it's making me feel strong. . . Strong enough to end my life.

Sorry po kung hindi ako enough, kung hindi ko abot ang expectations niyo, kung kahit na ibigay ko na yung best ko, eh hindi pa 'rin sapat para sainyo.

Bakit ba kase ako iniwan ni Ate Solace?