One Day After School

05: Araw-araw

One day after school
_raconteurs_

****
Chapter 05: Araw-araw

Thankfully my Mom is still in her office, she might not sleep here tonight. Nakahinga naman ako ng maluwag ng malaman ko 'yon. Feeling ko kase mamatay na ako sa kaba kanina habang lakad-takbong tinatawid ang highway papunta sa village namin.

To be honest, It feels surreal.

Did I really let someone stop my plans? I am a woman of my words. Once I made my decision, no one can stop me from doing it. Ilang taon na ba ang lumipas? Three or four? I don't know, I lost count.

The next day, I went earlier than ever to school. Why? I just don't wanna see my Mom's frowning and grumpy face.

I laughed at that thought. It feels new but nostalgic to me. You know, the feeling of rebelling and not following my parents orders and commands and talking bad about them in your mind.

Shocks. I like to call it orders and commands for the formalities. Like, you know. Ah basta gano'n.

“Ang gulo ko, jusme.” I whispered to myself.

Lunch time came and I plan to eat inside the comfort room. Hindi naman ako maarte. Mas ayos nga 'yon diba para walang makakita sa'kin.

But that's what I thought.

A girl saw me when I am peacefully washing my utensils while holding my lunch box.

“Oh! W. . . what —” Gulat na singhap nito. Nanlalaking mata naman akong lumingon sa kanya, natatakot sa maaaring sabihin nito.

Judgements...

I looked away, with trembling lips and tears forming in the corner of my eyes. Ayos na sana eh, ayos na ako eh. Bakit nalagay pa ako sa sitwasyong 'to?

I started biting my lips and fidgeting my fingers. Like a cat getting scold by, or like a thief caught in action, I want the ground to open and swallow me. The anxiety inside of me started rising when her agape mouth started spitting words. My eyes met her worried face.

What? Worried?

“H-hala sorry, sorry. I— uhm. . . I'm just s-shocked. I'm really sorry D-did I offended or scared you?” She stuttered while her eyes scanned me from head to toes.

Silence.

I opened my mouth yet no words came out. Her hands hanged on her chest, with the worry of offending me flashed through her expressive eyes.

I am shocked. When was the last time I made myself humiliated? When was the last somebody showed me kindness and worry? When was the last time that a person asked if I'm okay, if what do I feel? Ang tagal na 'non.

At that moment, it hits me. In a world full of judgments, harsh words, pain, anxiety and depression, there's still some people who'll show you kindness and are scared to hurt you physically, emotionally, mentally, or even spiritually.

She is still talking but I can't digest the words she's saying.

“What the— why are you crying?! Owemji! H-h-hala Solana, ayos ka lang? S-sorry talaga huhu,” her system panicked as her eyes scanned me.

I mentally heard a crack. A broken or shattering sound coming from my chest. Na para bang may nagigiba.

I took a deep but relieving breathe, before I crashed down the borders I built for four years. I felt the urge to do what I planned to do, without anxieties — without regrets and with all my will.

“I'm fine. How 'bout you?” I asked comfortably while drying the tears that I didn't noticed falling down. Pinasadahan ko siya ng tingin. She's really familiar, classmate ko ata.