One Day After School

16: When I met you

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Chapter 16:  When I met you

I am slowly being blinded by my anger.

It was Sunday, dinner time. My Mom kept her happy face. She seems genuinely happy. Siya ang nagluto ng pagkain namin ngayon, inasikaso niya pa ako habang kumakain. I know I should be awkward and be mad at her, but all I feel is sadness.

I know she's not a good and the best mother to me, but I saw how she's been a good wife to my father.

“Love, tama na yan. Bini-baby mo naman anak natin eh.” Oh speaking of the devil, I watched as how he act like a happy, in love, and caring husband. Ikinuha niya pa ng ulam and kanin si Mommy.

Hindi ko na na-aappreciate ang lasa ng ulam namin ngayon — which is one of my favorites; chicken curry — dahil sa taong kaharap ko.

Two faced.

Kita mo nga naman, huli na ang tang ina, umaakto pa 'ring santo at mabait. What a disgusting shit.

I smirked. Pinaglaruan ko sa daliri ang tinidor na hawak bago sinadyang paliparin sa plato niya. I acted shocked. Mas nilakihan ko pa ang mata ko na para bang hindi ko iyon sinadya.

“Sorry po...” I paused. “Dad.” May diing sabi ko.

Gulat na napalingon si Mama sa akin bago kinuha ang tinidor at inilagay sa lababo. She gave me a kind and understanding smile, na parang nagpapahiwatig na ayos lang.

Fudge. Nothing's fine. Ginagago ka lang niyan!

I wanted to shout those thoughts out, but I don't want to ruin my Mother's mood. Gigil akong napatingin sa tatay ko. My eyebrows furrowed while watching them, acting so lovey-dovey in front of me. Wow, ang galing. Parang hindi ko nakita sa akto kahapon ah. Tang*na lang.

I clenched my fist in annoyance before standing up. Nagpaalam akong papasok na sa kwarto.

I let out a frustrated sigh.

“Fvck. What should I do?” Paulit-ulit kong bulong na tanong sa sarili habang hindi mapakaling naglalakad sa loob ng kwarto.

I know my Mom won't believe me. She loves my father more than she loves to me. She won't easily believe me. Kahit pa ma'y maipakita akong ebidensya, she still will think that I'm making things up. Fudge. What should I do? Should I just act like I didn't know a thing?

I wanted to avenge my Mother, and myself, as a betrayed daughter.

I'm still unsure what to do. All I know is that I can't stay like this. Sooner or later, my emotions will explode. Kagat-kagat ang daliri, lumapit ako sa full length mirror ko.

I stare at the girl who's been like that for a long time. Modest, sophisticated, and like a puppet. I sighed. Should I change the way I dress up? Should I change myself? Or should I rebel against them? But the real question is, can I do it?

Can you do it, Solana?

Kaya mo ba?

My eyes watered as tears slowly flow down to my cheeks. Bakit gano'n? Galit ako, but why does sadness and loneliness are occupying my heart more? Oo, kahapon, kinain ako ng galit ko. Pero bakit ngayon lungkot lang ang nararamdaman ko?

My knees slowly felt weak. Napaupo ako sa sahig at walang lakas na nakatitig sa bintanang malapit sa akin. The window near me is opened, making the white thin curtains flowed with the gushing air.

Everything is dark. Ang dilim-dilim na ng buhay ko, pero may mas ididilim pa pala, ano?

What did I do that the heavens are punishing me like this? Dapat magalit ka, Solana, eh. Dapat galit ka! Dapat galit ka sa Nanay mo dahil umaakto lang siya bigla ng ganoon dahil pumayag ka sa kagustuhan niya na katumbas ng kalayaang pinapangarap mo! Dapat galit ka sa tatay mong akala mo'y kakampi mo pero niloloko lang pala kayo! Dapat galit ka sa Ate mo na iniwan lahat ng responsibilidad sa kamay mo!