Purest Love (Lan Zhan POV)

I like Rabbits

Morning has arrived in the blink of time. "Wangji," my brother calls out to me making me snap out of the daze. I didn't even hear him come inside but I maintain my expression as I greet my brother, "Brother." 

He looks at me closely and only when he stands before me did I notice the two rabbits he had hid in his hands. My gaze keenly set on them, "I brought some friends for company," he says as he drops them on the floor slowly. The two rabbits were given to me by Wei Ying, he really made me raise two rabbits all alone. 

"Lan Zhan, see what I brought for you," he grins as he holds two rabbits ear in one hand. "I find it interesting that the forest here doesn't have many animals but rabbits a lot. I brought two for you as it reminded me of someone," he adds dangling the rabbits in front of my eyes. 

Animals are not allowed in cloud recess. But my first thought was on how similar the black bunny is to Wei Ying and the white bunny is to myself. I was fascinated by it. I have never had a pet to rise though I wished to when I was child. I was alone and there was no one to understand me among people of same age. They respected me but never tried to befriend me. It is not their fault after all, I was just different from people of my age. But this guy is persistent in making me his friend and he once also said there are many benefits of being his friend.

"Animals are not allowed in cloud recess," I state though I wished more than anything to have them. I like rabbits and no one knows that. I always feed some when I go out for night hunt, and it always has been my secret. It was mere coincidence he brought me these rabbits, but I can't help but feel that he came to know one of my secret.

"If you say so, then I will just fry them to eat. It will be tasty," he says as he grins, waiting for me to change my answer. I didn't disappoint him either. "Killing is prohibited," I state. He looks at me as if I have grown two heads, pouting his lips a bit. "Then I will just go out of cloud recess to kill them and bring it back here to eat," he shrugs as he looks at them as if he is going to devour them raw.

I hesitate. The rules prohibit rising animals here, but I can't let him kill them. I also wish to raise them on my own will. "I will raise them," I tell him hurriedly making him laugh. "Finally," the moment he let those rabbits on the library floor, the black one started running around while the white one stayed and observed the surrounding first. "That one is just like you," he whispers as he suddenly stand by my side. That one is just like you too, I thought.

I didn't guess wrong, the black one took just two minutes to change the whole library as it filled its footprints on the floor by the ink it poured on the desk I have been reading. It did everything but the face it kept was so innocent that I couldn't even get angry.  As I stare at the mess, I hear Wei Ying call for me excitedly. "Lanzhan lan zhan, you look there. See their position. What do you think..." I didn't let him finish the question. "They are both males," I said and with that I gave him a reason to tease me. The end result was me throwing him out of the window whilst hearing his contagious laugh.

I smile as I recall the incident. "You are still suffering, Wangji," brother states breaking me out of my daydream. He takes a seat across me as he looks at the surrounding. I pick the black rabbit which cuddled closer to me the moment it was let down while the white one is still looking around. I didn't reply to my brother. I pet this one as he cuddles more in my robes for warmth.

"You did everything you could," he says and I know he believes I did everything I could. He doesn't know there were many ways for me to help Wei Ying but I chose the safest way for myself by following rules while he was struggling in the worst way possible. 

Why would I leave the nice, broad road, and walk on a single plank bridge on a dark narrow river instead? If it really is that easy, people would have already walked on it. He said this to Jiang Wanyin  after a lecture session he attended and got kicked out of during his stay in cloud recess.

He chose the difficult way to save others without thinking, but I didn't even dare to, to save Wei Ying. I still didn't reply to him as I know what the truth is and he is here just to convince and console me. "Sizhui misses you. He plays with zither a lot. I think he is trying to find Wei gonzu. Uncle is angry, not particularly at you but more on the situation. This year, students from other sects will come here for lessons, for 6 months," he says. I nod my head in understanding.

"Sizhui will come around as time pass by. I will be out there in a year," I state as I look at the rabbit to see it is sleeping. "I wish I could help you. I really can't find a way this time," he says as his voice is dripping with a hidden apology. 

"I will come around too as time pass by," I will be better at hiding my feelings as time pass by. Brother knows without me saying what I meant but he still gives me a smile as he stands up. The white one jump up my lap to wake the sleeping black one when brother gets up to leave. It nudges me with his small nose as if hurrying me to let them go. The temperature is not suitable for them I think.

I give them both a last pat and gently place them on the ground. Brother picks them up and walks out as he bids me goodbye. My brother suffers too as he sees me suffer, it has always been like this since childhood, only this time he doesn't know, this pain or this yearning for Wei Ying will never fade away.