i didnt mean to love you...

.9.

Louis' P.O.V

i was happy that harry had the courage to open up to me about something so difficult. it's never going to be easy and i think we're all going to cry (again for me and harry) when he tells the boys. he's so brave and i am so so proud of him.

speaking of harry, im sleeping in our room again. we're both still awake. comforting each other silently. his hand is inching towards mine. every time it gets close i feel the heat radiating off it. i so badly want him to just grab it and stop being so scared about it. i turn my hand over so my palm is facing upwards, and reach out for his. i feel the heat getting closer until i suddenly touch the soft skin ive been craving.

i reach for his hand without hesitation and intertwine our fingers together. harry shuffles in bed before reaching out for my waist gently and pulling me to lay on his chest. my ear is right above his heartbeat. he kisses my forehead gently. 'goodnight louis. you're brave. you make me unbelievably happy and proud. i love you.' he whispers. i stay quiet until i hear his breathing relax and his heartbeat steady.

'i love you too. thank you.'

Harry's P.O.V

i was happy i finally opened up to louis about my past. part of me is really pissed off that i didnt tell any of them earlier. i mean, ive know them for almost 4 years. and theyre my best friends. who wouldnt tell them.

louis slept in our room. we were quiet but it was late and we'd had a rough day. i wanted so badly to hold his hand. every time i got close enough i pussied out. he ended up just grabbing my hand instead. i pulled him gently onto my chest and think for a minute before whispering. 'goodnight louis. you're brave. you make me unbelievably happy and proud. i love you.'

a few minutes go by and i hear a response. 'i love you too. thank you.' before we're both out like lights.

~next morning~

i woke up basically spooning louis. my arm was around his small waist and his back was to my chest. i carefully grabbed my phone to check the time. 10:26am. i gently shook louis awake, 'lou? its time to wake up boo.' i said quietly. he groaned in disagreement to reply. 'cmon lou i'll make you breakfast.' his eyes opened slightly at my offer. 'fine, but only cos im getting breakfast.' he replied with a smirk, causing me to giggle.

i got out of bed first and helped him up after. 'you need to put clothes on unless you're comfortable with the boys seeing you half naked but im just gonna go like this and explain in a bit.' i said quietly. 'shut up. im putting clothes on. can i steal a hoodie?' he asked unsurely, as if he wasnt allowed to do it. 'course love, whatever youre comfortable in' i replied sincerely. he nodded and went to my closet to steal a green adidas hoodie im probably never going to get back. i put a pair of shorts on and head downstairs, louis on my heels.

i walked past the living room and the other 3 were in there but didnt notice me. i went into the kitchen and started making everyone some eggs, bacon and french toast. niall obviously smelt the food and walked into the kitchen. 'hey haz.' he said happily. 'hey ni, food will be done soon dont you worry' i chuckled. he chuckled with me and hopped onto the counter behind me.

for some reason i was nervous that he would see and i was suddenly regretting not wearing a t-shirt, but its too late now. 'haz?' 'yeah?' i replied. 'when will you tell us about what happened last night?' he asked unsurely. 'soon i promise. its not easy y'know. but it will be before 12 so dont worry.' i replied quietly. 'ok.' he said before hopping off the counter and back into the living room.

~time skip to after breakfast~

Niall's P.O.V

i finished scoffing down my breakfast and sat back smiling. 'that was good shit haz!' i yelled into the kitchen where harry and louis were eating theirs. 'your welcome!' he yelled back. i went and took mine, liams and zayns plate into the kitchen and put them in the dishwasher after rinsing them. i turned around and harry and louis were gone. i went back into the living room and they were sat on a sofa. harry had a pillow over his stomach and he knees were up.

louis grabbed the remote off liam and turned the tv off. 'heyyy! rude much!' liam yelled trying to get the remote back but louis just shoved it under his butt, causing me to snort.

'you guys still wanna know what happened yesterday and what we were talking about?' harry said shyly. me, liam and zayn nodded in sync. harry took a deep breathe a nodded slowly before telling us the story of what happened with ed, justin, calum and ashton. all of us were in tears by the end and louis even left to go upstairs. he showed us his scars and explained how he covered everything up.

'you can ask questions if you want' he said shortly after but im pretty sure we were all just in shock with what had happened to one of our best friends. we all sat in silence before i stood up and went to hug him, zayn and liam joining as well.

we all let go and harry immediately stood up and ran up the stairs to louis. the 3 of us following behind. we heard crying and harry wasted no time opening the bathroom door. louis was sat on the floor holding his phone to his chest. harry knelt down behind him and pulled him to his side. 'lou, whats wrong?' he whispered. the rest of us sat on the floor across from them.

'f-fizzy. d-d-dead' he whispered back. i held back even more tears while harry pulled louis closer and let him cry into his shoulder. harry looked at me and i got the hint, standing up and pulling the other to up with me and dragged them out the room. apparently zayn and liam didnt hear what happened.

zayn gave me the look and asked what happened so i told him and he sighed before walking into his bedroom and shutting the door behind him. liam was staring at me in shock. 'shit' he whispered before sitting on the top step and leaning his head against the wall. i sat next to him and whispered back 'yep'.

Louis' P.O.V

i didnt wanna hear the story again so i went upstairs and into my room where i heard my phone buzz. i picked it up and saw that i had 18 missed calls and 12 texts from Lottie. i immediately rang her back and she answered straight away. 'lots? whats wrong' she sniffled and then told me the worst news i could ever hear in my life. 'fizzy. sh-she's dead' i started crying straight away. 'how' i muttered. 'i-i dont know. b-but i went t-to her a-apartem-apartment and she-s de-ad.' she replied but i could barely hear it due to her sobbing.

'i-i got to go lots. i love you so much and ill visit soon.' i said quickly. i didnt give her time to respond before hanging up and running to the bathroom. i wasnt gonna cut. i promised myself and harry i wouldnt. so instead i sat on the floor, put a picture of fizzy as my lockscreen and sat hugging my phone.

minutes later the boys came running and and i told them that she died but didnt explain. harry got niall, liam and zayn to leave and i told him everything. well... everything that i knew...