Anarchy Ladder - {H.S} au

Chapter 3 - It's Lennon

Alive : Pearl Jam

Lennon

Sometimes, situations may be too intense for your mind to handle, where it pushes traumatic events down into a dark void to where it simply doesn't exist to you anymore.

Repressing the memories that once were a beautifully captured moment, like a polaroid full of life and colour, only to be set on fire moments letter. It simply doesn't exist.

I wish I could recall, I wish I could remember but the brain is powerful, your mind can hurt you, but it can also protect you from the vile experiences you've once had in your life. That's why when I wake up from a nightmare, I don't remember a thing.

My eyes shot open only to be met with complete darkness swallowing me whole, making the whole situation worse.

My fists balled up at my sides, grabbing the fabric of my sheets in between my fingers as I let my heart rate mellow down along with my breathing. I have been getting these nightmares since I was a child, we don't know where they stem from or as to why it happens, therefore, I've just taught myself to deal with them.

I have seen many doctors, all telling me the exact same thing. That it's insomnia, anxiety, repressed memories. It's all bullshit, I do not have any of those, at least I would like to think I don't.

"Happy thoughts Len, " I took a deep breath as I squeezed my eye shut. "Cats, the beach, the colour orange, the scratchy sound on a vinyl record, " I continued to mutter to myself.

I sighed as I rolled over onto my side, seeing as a soft glow of pink was making its way through the crack of my blinds. My eyes wandered to my alarm clock rested on my nightstand along with a half-empty pack of smokes, a stick and poke needle that I failed to throw away and a tiny piece of crumpled-up paper.

Which now I'm coming to realize that the piece of paper has Zayn's number on it.

I remember exactly what happened last night.

Well, bits and pieces kind of sort of I guess you could say.

I do remember the gag-worthy encounter I had in the washroom of Suki's party, being met face to face with the devil incarnated himself. I should have trusted my gut, I should have never gone because deep down I knew I would've ended up walking out of there anyway.

But on the plus side, I met Zayn.

I found out a lot about him, how he skates too but he's never really one to be in any specific friend group, he sticks to himself. He has a killer taste in music, told me all about his tattoos and how he works at a tattoo shop close to my place, and I'm pretty sure he got a laugh out of me here and there.

The two of us ended up walking the boardwalk with a half-empty bottle of vodka, strolling and stumbling around without a care in the world, and that is exactly what I needed. He was real with me, he didn't look at me as if I was some circus freak like half the people at that house party were.

He was kind, warm-hearted and also had said that Harry could go fuck himself.

He won bonus points with me on that one.

I sat up in my bed, stretching my arms up over my head when something on the floor in front of my bedroom door caught my eye.

I squinted my eyes hard to where it was almost blurry, scratching the back of my head out of confusion when I realized that there was a random skateboard just sitting there randomly.

And that's when it hit me.

Some of the bits and pieces from yesterday were starting to slowly merge, and I could slam my head against the wall right now due to the decision I had made, and the money I wasted on a little black plank with wheels.