Never Again

07.

MENTION OF SUICIDE

E ᴛ ʜ ᴀ ɴ

"Black 82...Black 82...Hut...Hut!"

The ball going into my hands I back up getting some space eyeing where I can throw it. The defense smashing into guys, falling to the floor running to the right Ryder our wide receiver running pulling his hands out. I position myself before throwing the ball. Couch yelling, hearing the cheerleaders giggles I throw it, with it falling into Ryder's hands he runs done the rest of the field making a touch down. Ryder smashing the ball on the floor, everyone running to him jumping on top of him I chuckle taking off my helmet.

Running my hand through my sweaty black hair taking out my mouth piece I sigh. Jogging over to the bench grabbing my water bottle I chug it down before spraying some on my face. The cold water hitting my face shacking my head like a wet dog I sit down.

"Nice play out there Williams hoping to see you out on the field this Saturday!" Couch hits my back before. Shit the game this Saturday.

I nod my head, "I'll be there."

He chuckles before walking away. Everyone coming back patting me on the back. I sit there with my head down before glancing up. My father shacking his head leaning against the car he rubs his chin.

Rick Williams my father well I won't really call him my father. He's never home always out at night either sleeping with his mistress Melissa Harper or with Vanessa Williams my mother at home. My father had never been proud of me he wants me playing in the NFL. I want to be there but he pushes me to hard he always has to say and I quote, "Son the only way I'll be proud of you is when I see it. Now get your ass on the field and show me what I should be proud of." Finishing it off with a hit on the back. Tells me every game and practice even before I got here.

Some of the guys know how my father is and the rest just find it weird. I mean I would a forty old man just watching you run on the field getting tackled.

He has been so up close to me since Aria Michelle Williams she was my beautiful, talented, smart sister. No one saw how hurt she was on the inside but on the outside she was everything she was a butterfly. She'll spread her wings and fly out and never looked back. She was the productive sister she was my only sister. She was a year older than me we were close then she started distancing herself I wouldn't bother asking since I just thought she wanted space but she didn't. She wanted to be loved, cared, and most specifically she wanted to be held.

We lost her last year due to suicide November 9, 2002 - November 9, 2017. She died the night of her birthday I was the one who found her laying on her bed a bottle of pills in her hand. She had planned her suicide we found a letters on her desk for about a look year she's been waiting to let go. She just had one more year of High School before she was gone but she couldn't wait. I miss her every single day she was the one who made me shine.

Everyday she'll tell me, "How you love yourself is how you teach others to love you." I never believed in it but now I do she has showed me a lot. I just miss her every single day.

"Hey man you okay?" Ryder waving his hand in my face. Slapping it across he groans holding onto it.

"Couch! Ethan broke my hand!" He yells running over to him couch rolls his eyes before letting out a groan.