Never Again

27.

ʀ ɪ ʟ ᴇ ʏ

It's been hard.

Ethans been here but the pain doesn't go away. It's been a week I e been in this room just laying on the bed I haven't ate, I have showered last night , but I haven't talked to my baby sister. I want to be their for here.

Forcing myself to get out of bed making my way to the closet throwing on a Jodie and a pair of sweatpants since it's a chilly making me way out the room and down the stairs. Everyone's here Liv , Wyatt , Ryder , Grace , Lia, Ethan , Mia , and Austin sitting on the couch. They all look at me surprised Lia jumps from Ethans arms running towards me. Tears burning in my eyes knowing I'm a bad sister or leaving her and focusing on myself. She jump into my arms her chubby cheeks red from smiling too much. Wrapping my arms around her I fall to my knees holding her into my arms.

"I'm sorry...I'm so sorry I wasn't here I'm sorry for everything. You deserve everything in the world because you are the perfect- perfect little girl. I'm sorry I've been a bad sister I should've done better." I snuggle rubbing her back kissing her temple realizing her tears through the hoodie. "I'm so sorry. I'll never forgive myself from leaving you behind I should've protected you more I should've done anything in my power to get you away from the harm and the pain but I left you behind and focused on myself...I'm sorry." I sob into her arms.

I'm right. I don't deserve to be forgiven I deserve to feel the pain and guilt but I-

"No. Ri Ri. No. I love you so so much. To the moon you were my superhero and you fought daddy until you got tired. I'm sorry I didn't help I'm-"

"Don't. I'm the one who did this because I couldn't keep my mouth shut and I had to go down the stairs. Every time you were hungry I tried I really did. I couldn't though he was too strong." I whisper the last part my hand holding her small little tears sliding down her wet cheeks from crying,wiping them away with my thumbs she wraps her arms around my neck.

"I'm sorry Liv. I'm sorry I brought you into my life you probably think I'm some failure who got beaten by their father because of their dead mother. I'm sorry I got thrown into your hands and stayed into the room and didn't even take care of my sister and you had to. I'm sorry I'm not perfect because I'm just a selfish bitch who doesn't watch their little sister and have their fucking best friend to watch her. I'm sorry I really am...And Austin I'm sorry you had me and my sister thrown into your arms and you barely know us I'm sorry you had to watch my sister while I had a whole mental break down not want ring to come out of bed...I'm sorry I'm selfish." I wipe under my eyes seeing them sitting their Liv gets up walking to me a sob comes from her wrapping her arms around me and Lia as well.

"Your not a selfish bitch Riley. Im the one whose sorry I couldn't be their for my best friend and talk to you and help you through the pain you went through." She hugs me before we both pull away.

"I need to tell you guys something. Ethan you might hate me for keeping this from you and you'll probably just walk out but I understand-I understand if any of you walk out. Again I'm sorry." I whisper the last pet they nod before Ethan moves over for me to sit next to him Lias hand in mine putting her on my lap. She has right to know she may not understand but she deserves to know.

"One night... Christopher my father had his friends over. If only if I didn't go down the stairs it wouldn't had happen. They called me down...they were all perves always trying to get into my pants. Lia you were already asleep but you kept moving when they'll laugh , yell , throw beer bottles at the wall. I didn't know what to do. That was the worst night of my life. Christopher called me down saying they needed me for a break. I was dumb and I went I was gonna go down anyway to tel them to keep it down. I was so stupid." I whisper the last part but Ethan hear his hand going to my hand rubbing small little circles waiting for me to continue. My breath hitches before wiping under my eyes realizing tears have fallen into my lap.

"I-I went down...there was four men sitting on the couch counting my father. Blue he was younger then the rest he made me call him blue-I was the only allowed since I was his. His real name came around once in a while but I just ignored it. The rest were just laughing watching me staring at them terrified he was serious. He grabbed me and used my body if I was nothing-I begged and I begged for him to stop but he didn't. The oldest one me and him met eyes before he would laugh and groan watching me but in that moment he had a guilty look on his face he was sorry for me but he didn't help me." I stay silent the rest of them looked away wiping under their eyes including Ethan and Wyatt I never thought they would cry over this but they did.

"A week later I found out I was...pregnant." I swallow hard a sob escaping my mouth Ethans thumb stoped rubbing my hand turning my head he started into my eyes looking away breaking the eye contact seeing him from the corner of my eyes of him staring at me.

"Where's you baby Riley ?" Ethan asks something I want prepared for to answer staring out into he window in front of me not wanting answer looking back next to him tears sliding down my cheeks.

"It's dead...Christopher beat me until I bleed out called me whore he found out I was pregnant from the test in the bathroom I hide into the cabinet. Blue was the father. I went to the doctors before Christopher beat me I was three months I couldn't tell since how thin I was I wasn't showing yet. Blue found out Christopher killed his child...Blue loved me every time he'll tell me one day we will get old together and have many kids but I never lived him he was a monster. After the beating I went to the doctor they just told me I had a miscarriage the baby had no heart beat hearing that I wanted to die. It was the only thing I wanted to live for. Even if it's father was a monster it was my baby someone I loved and I would do anything but I wasn't strong enough." He stares at me in the eyes not staring anything keeping the eye contact seeing the sadness in him.

"I'm sorry." I whisper before Liv sobs into Wyatts shoulder, Mia looking at the floor tears sliding down her cheeks , Ryder staring at me before tears slide down his face , Ethan staring at the wall not knowing what to think , Austin wiping under his eyes sniffling , and Lia not knowing what to do she sits there staring at her feet. "Why didn't you tell me ?" Ethan speaks up,sitting up his elbows now on his knees that are bouncing up and down.

"Because I didn't know how too..that night when I walk up it was the nightmare and I couldn't get it out of my head...I'm sorry you had to help me but I kept secrets from you...I really am but I don't want you to forgive me." I say before he looks at me wrapping his arms around me holding me into his arms my head and the crook of his neck letting out a sob he rubs my back tears coming out of his eyes sliding down his face before he pulls away holding my head into his hands our eyes meet together before he smashes his lips into mine. Kissing him back tasting the salt of our tear mixing together the world stopping and just feeling his care , his love , and his forgiveness into the kiss.

"I'm sorry." He whispers with out lips together out foreheads against each other's we both pull away.

"Do you want to play with Grace or do you want to go upstairs with me ?" I wipe under Lias eyes before she gives me a sadly innocent smile she stands up wrapping her small arms around me kissing my cheek. "I'm gonna go play with Grace...love you to the moon and back." She whispers before walking away with her head down mumbling a small love you Ethan stands up putting out his hand for me taking it we walk towards the stairs going up.

Making it into the room I've been staying in lifting the covers I slide in with Ethan behind me he arm wraps around my waist , our feet getting tangled in together he kisses me before I close my eyes letting the darkness take over me.

"I'm sorry." I hear before it fades letting my sleep take over me.

Please forgive me everyone.