The Killers Freedom

Chapter Twenty Seven: Fist Step

"How much of that did you hear?"

I knew he was standing in the doorway watching me kill the man who stole my life, but I didn't know to what extent he heard or saw. I was so engrossed in the fiery rage that was unwinding inside of me I neglected to be aware of my surroundings.

"I am so sorry, Bu-" he started saying and I cut him off.

"No, no I don't want you to feel sorry for me right now. I don't want you to feel anything for me right now. Call all the men back, tell them to get in their vehicles and leave here as fast as they can. I don't want to explain myself but we will meet them on the plane, we need to leave today."

I was on a bad path right now and needed everyone away from me before I started hurting all that I saw. Warm tears flowed down my cheeks and before I could let Joseph see them I turned to grab my gun and place it back in it's beloved holster.

Breathe, just breathe, this will all be over soon. I had to keep grounding myself because it all felt like a dream.

"Joseph," I turned to him, "I am not the person you think you're in love with. This," I pointed to the dead man on the floor and the blood that was splattered all over my clothing, "this is who I am, who I was trained to be. I thought that being free from his hold would loosen the grip he had on me but it didn't. My inner need to fight and kill and be angry still consumes and suffocates me. I'll never be who you think I am or give you what you want."

I grabbed a few things from the desk and walked out of the door to the main entrance knowing that Joseph would follow me.

"Get out of this house," I turned and told him, "go grab the vehicle and meet me at the main gate up the road, I will be there in a little bit. I have a few things I need to tend to before I leave here."

He had so many questions he wanted answers to and I could see them swimming in his eyes. Empathy painted his face and it immediately made me feel sick with rage. I don't deserve to be loved, to be cared for in the ways he wants to love me. I need to feel numb, to feel angry at the world around me for forcing me into a life I had no option to be part of.

I let him and Elaine trick me into thinking I could be part of their world. The world where money buys happiness and people don't question anything you do. I let myself be vulnerable to him and broke down my walls I took so long to build. For a moment, just a small one, I felt I deserved the happiness I was learning to love.

But that's not who I'm supposed to be right now.

Once I was out of the main house I turned around and looked up at it. It was beautiful, I do have to give Stryker that. Everything was modern styled and a lovely shade of baby blue and grey. Pillars stood tall at the front of the house giving it even more height than it already had. The stairs reached from one end to the other creating an almost museum look to the outside and bright red flowers danced along every window and flower pot.

I stared up at the house and let the world around me disappear, lost in my own thoughts.

"You really took it all from me, everything I ever had and ever will be, you have had a hand in. Killing you will never be enough to satisfy this hunger that lays inside of me and you knew that from the beginning. You knew I would always want more, strive to be the best there will ever be, because that's all I know. Kudos to you because even in your death you will haunt me and torment me. You'll dance in my dreams at night and consume my thoughts in the day. Even in death your torment will stick through."

I took a box of matches out of my pocket and walked up to the front door opening it slightly to expose the small line of gun powder I had trailed behind me as I was walking through the house.

Striking the match to light it, I inhaled it's scent and dropped it to the floor letting it catch a bigger flame from the powder beneath it. I watched the red colors start to consume everything in their path, dancing around the house trying to find their next victim.

"I was meant for something bigger than you. You were just the first step," I whispered into the crackling of the fire that stood before me.

With each passing second a new room was consumed until I could no longer stand in the doorway without being suffocated from the smoke. Crackling noises filled my ears and my lungs were tightening from the smoke I was inhaling. My skin was being licked by heat, causing a burning sensation to take over where it touched.

Making my way down the front driveway I turned around and sat on the warm pavement.

I watched it all be consumed by an erupting fire, an inferno of flames taking down everything. Smoke filled the air and boards started collapsing on themselves. What used to be baby blue turned black and sunk into the ashes beneath it right in front of my eyes.

I did this.

A small smile made its way to my lips and I heard a vehicle approaching me from behind. Not caring who it was, I remained seated, with my legs pulled up to my chest and my arms wrapped around myself.

"Is this what you wanted?"

I nodded my head, not wanting to speak just yet.

"We need to leave before someone sees this from town and shows up here, come on."

"One more minute, please," though I had yet to take my eyes off of the sight in front of me I knew Joseph was standing above me, waiting to hold his hand out to help me up.

But I didn't want to leave this place right now, I didn't want to wonder if someone would come and put out this fire and find the disgusting secrets that lie within this house. I wanted to stay here until it was nothing but a thought in the wind.

I knew I couldn't though, people would come, wondering what was happening to the massive house in the country. They would demand answers from anyone around and I couldn't be the one to give them the answers they needed.

Why had nobody ever cared to come save me when I felt I was up in flames? Why had nobody stopped the cruel world around me from consuming me and eating me alive? 

I didn't want anyone to put my fire out this time. I wanted it to consume everything around me. 

*******************

The book is almost coming to an end!

Please let me know how you have liked it

-H