The Killers Freedom

Chapter Sixteen: Did You Know?

Joseph's POV:

I arrived home late this evening with a text from Elaine saying that she needed to speak to me urgently about Bugs. My mind kept racing at what this could be about. Is she hurt? Does she want to leave? Did some of her things get broken on the way over? Because I will not hesitate to kill anyone who decides to hurt her.

Pulling into the driveway I felt something was wrong. The kitchen lights were on and that was normal for this time of day. Bugs room lights weren't on and when I looked over to see if maybe they were at Elaine's house her house lights were all off too. What is going on?

I texted Elaine asking where she was and she responded that she would meet me in the kitchen in ten minutes and to not disturb Bugs because she is sleeping. My mind kept racing to every bad thought. I needed to see Bugs now to make sure she was okay but for once I listened to someone other than myself. She was right, she needed sleep. She's been through enough.

When I got into the kitchen Elaine looked like a wreck. Her eyes were bloodshot and puffy, her hair pulled up into a messy bun and random pieces scattered her face. I have never seen her without makeup and a dress on so this came as a big shock to me. She looked like she had spent the last few hours crying and I have a feeling she is mourning Romans death. Is that what this is about? Are she and Bugs fighting because of Roman?

"Please sit," she instructed me with a shaky hand that pointed to the small table in the kitchen, "we have a lot to talk about." Tears were now freely falling down her cheeks again.

"Did you... did you know how Bugs came to be in Strykers possession? Or what happened after you left her over? Do you know how she was stabbed and almost died? Or how he tortured her for weeks after that to prove to her she can never leave? She was put through hell after you left and she's never healed from that. She became cold and heartless because she had nobody, nothing to hold on to, to keep her from losing herself. Her parents sold her and you, her best friend, left her to die. Today, she found out that her mother had been sending her dozens of letters since she was eight years old and Roman somehow intercepted them. Her father died when she was eighteen, she didn't even get to say goodbye, Joseph. She's been through more shit then any one person should ever have to deal with and I don't know how she's going to get through this emotionally because today for the first time she cried. Like she really cried the last sixteen years of her life out."

I could have saved her a long time ago. Let her be free from Stryker's grasp. But I was so selfish that I took the money and opportunity he offered in exchange for her location. I knew she was put through some things but not to this extent and now all I wish is to go back in time and change everything. Even if it meant never seeing her again, she would have been able to start a new life.

Elaine and I sat and talked for over an hour about how we want to help her find herself and learn how to function without wanting to kill people. I want her to know what it was like to see the world with new eyes. We want her to see that having emotions doesn't equal weakness and I'm going to send some of my guys out to find her mother.

"I know you have deep feelings for her and I know she once did for you too. I've never seen you light up like you do when she's around, it's nice to see that side of you," Elaine gently patted the top of my hand across the table, "right now she needs you, even if she doesn't know it."

She wasn't wrong. I have had feelings for Bugs ever since we were younger and training. I still remember the day I first met her. My parents were deadbeats and in and out of jail all the time so I found myself mixed up with the wrong crowd eventually landing me at Strykers front door as a charity case. He took to me rather quickly though, he used to tell me I would be his greatest success story. I remember my first day of training after a week of being confined to my room because I stole some food from the kitchen. She walked in with her jet black hair in a tight ponytail, a matching pair of dark red leggings and sports bra, her perfect body outlined by the tight fitted clothes. She never looked in my direction though, no matter what I did she kept to herself. Her honey colored eyes fixated on the trainer in front of her so as to not make a single slip up. She trained flawlessly too, so young yet so powerful, she was taking down men twice her size in seconds but Stryker always yelled it wasn't good enough.

Saying goodnight to Elaine she made her way out of the front door and to her house and I found myself being drawn to Bugs' room. Her door, now fixed since when I broke it, was cracked open and I could see light peeking through it into the dark hallway. As I walked closer I could hear papers being shuffled and what sounded like crying.

"Hey," I gently knocked on the door frame, "can I come in?" She looked up at me and through those thick eyelashes I could see she was in pain. She had every single letter spread across the bed neatly organized into small piles. Every single one of them was open and I had assumed she took no time in reading them all when she woke. I was wondering when she had woken up though and if she had heard Elaine and I speaking earlier.

"Hi," she moved a few of the letters over to make room for me next to her on the bed and patted the now empty space for me to come sit.

"Sorry it's a mess, I'm a mess. This is so unlike me to be crying like this. I-" before she had a chance to speak anymore I pulled her into a hug. She buried her face into my chest and let out a huge sigh that I knew she had been holding in. Holding her like this, letting her bury herself in me felt so right, like she belongs here in my arms.

"I'm sorry Betty. This is all my fault and I don't blame you if you want to hate me," I hugged a little harder and she kept her head buried in my chest.

"I don't hate you. To be honest I don't know what I feel right now. This," she pointed to the letters in front of us, slowly removing herself from my arms, leaving an empty feeling where she was,"this is all so overwhelming and I still haven't grasped the idea that I won't be going on assignments anymore. As much as it's a blessing I'm feeling a little lost. That my life back home, well used to be home, is over. You have to understand that for sixteen years all I did was kill people and follow Strykers every order. These feelings are all so new to me and the killer inside me is so mad because I can't let it out and right now I'm battling my own mind. I was hardwired to not feel like this. Years of being manipulated and taught that emotions are a weakness was burned in me like a brand."

I brushed her hair out of her face now cupping her cheek in my hand. I wanted nothing more than to kiss her right here and now, to take her on this very bed. Stop thinking like this, now isn't the time. I wanted her to know that no matter what I will be her home. She can always feel safe with me. But I know she doesn't feel the same. And I know that I have to give this time because she needs to heal.

I cleared my throat and stood up from the bed, "well I have some more meetings for a new hotel my company is opening tomorrow and then I was hoping that I could take you to one of my favorite restaurants afterwards?" Why was I so nervous asking her this question? It's like my mind doesn't know how to make a complete sentence right now. I prayed she would say yes.

"I would actually really love that! I also have a few things I need to talk with you about as well so tomorrow evening sounds good. What should I wear?" Her eyes lit up and almost brought me to my knees. I couldn't show her how weak she made me.

"I'll send Elaine over to help you pick an outfit. Goodnight, Bugs."

"Goodnight Joseph."

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Sorry about such a long time between updates, life got away from me!

Decided we needed another Joseph POV in the mix

-H