Here comes the sun - Larry

CHAPTER 16

Harry has already gone to bed when I get back to the lakehouse. I'm still trembling a little bit, not only because I just cheated on Emily, but also because it felt... well, I don't even fucking know. I mean, I haven't felt fireworks in months, but then one kiss from Harry turns the world upside down. And now I feel more than anything else that I need to find Emily. I'm not going to tell her what happened, not yet anyway, I just need to not feel this way. I need to fall back in love with her, forget that Harry's lips ever touched mine because I don't want to consider what it means. I don't want to think about the way he makes me feel because something clicked during that kiss. And I'm scared because nothing has ever really clicked like that with Emily.

"Babe," Emily says, letting me undress her in our room, "what happened with Harry?"

"Nothing happened. He's mad at me, that's all."

"But—"

"I'm about to fuck you senseless, Emily, so maybe quit talking about Harry."

"Right, okay."

I don't keep my promise to Harry. I don't care how loud Emily is screaming into her pillow because I'm determined to fuck out whatever feelings erupted inside me when Harry kissed me.

Emily turns around when we've both finished, looking up at me before I lean down to kiss her. I need to forget the taste of Harry because I'll drive myself insane if I don't.

"I need to pee."

I let her go to the bathroom while I take off the condom. I pull my boxers on afterwards, then sneak out and into the other bathroom so I can throw out the condom. Emily will surely be taking forever in our own when she's getting ready for bed. I then continue into the kitchen to get a glass of water, but the lights are on in the living room, so I change my direction and find Harry on the sofa. He's writing in his notebook, frantically scribbling down word after word without crossing any of it out.

I hesitate before I walk closer to him. "I thought you went to bed."

He flinches slightly, then looks up at me. "I couldn't sleep."

"No?"

"I have too much on my mind." He turns back to his notebook. "I need it out."

"Harry."

"Maybe run a hand through your hair."

I wince, but do as he tells me to—it's always the fucking hair. "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"I don't know," I admit. "For sleeping with her... for being loud. I don't know, Harry."

"I barely heard you," he mumbles. "Emily, on the other hand... well, you know."

"Mmm."

"At least you're doing something right."

I sit down next to him, sideways so I'm facing him. "Harry, can we talk about what happened?"

I don't necessarily need to talk about the kiss itself. I know I would still be standing on the pier right now with his tongue in my mouth if he hadn't stopped it, but that's not what I need to talk about. I just need to know that he's okay.

"Louis," he says, closing his notebook, "you just fucked the shit out of your girlfriend. I don't think we have anything to talk about."

"Harry, I just..." I pause, looking at my fingers instead. "I need to know that you're okay."

His expression softens. "I'm fine."

"I don't understand my feelings."

I think I've been fond of him since... well, since the beginning almost. He's gone from being a proper asshole to someone I find rather charming. I crave his presence in a way I don't understand, but I don't want to be questioning anything, much less my sexuality. And yet my feelings for him—whatever they are—are stirring right under the surface of denial. I've been trying to push them down, especially while having sex with Emily, but how am I supposed to keep that up?