Here comes the sun - Larry

CHAPTER 28

"It's been over two weeks," Niall says, catching me staring at Harry. "How long does it take to make a decision?"

I tear my eyes away from Harry, but I choose not to say anything. I wouldn't know what to say anyway, given that Niall is right. I've been dragging it out for too long, but I keep coming up with cons—and none that are very good. I want to give in, but I need something to push me over the edge. I believe he's worth a little heartache, but I'm so afraid of losing him once I have him.

He hasn't tried to reach out. He steals glances at me constantly, but that's about it. I can tell he's getting impatient, though, and I don't exactly enjoy seeing him so distraught, but I think he knows I'm getting there. He doesn't know what my conclusion will be, but I honestly think he just wants an answer so he can move on. And I know it's unfair to keep him waiting, but I need this trip over with first.

I look out of the window instead, watching the scenery pass by as the train heads towards London. My eyes quickly drift to Liam and Zayn instead, which doesn't make me feel any better by not sharing a seat with Harry. They're sitting across from Niall and I with a table separating us, but they're caught up in a make-out session. Liam has gotten crazy confident, so much that he no longer gives a fuck.

It makes me think about Harry again. I don't think I would mind going public. I would probably want to, but I don't think I would be as upfront about it as Liam and Zayn. I don't mind that they're making out, nor that I can literally see their tongues, but I'm still not into public affection. I would hold his hand, absolutely, and kiss him once in awhile, too, but a full-on make-out session is a definite no. But it does make me think about about how much I want to be sitting next to him, how much I want to hold his hand and lean into him and share headphones with him. I want to sit in silence and look at him while he reads his book, admire him as he takes in the words. I want him to trail his fingers along my wrist, whisper sweet nothings in my ear, and leave featherlight kisses inside my palm and across my knuckles.

I blink my tears away, then turn back to look out of the window. I spend most of the train-ride like that, watching the scenery and listening in on my classmates' conversations. Niall occupies himself by playing a game on his phone while the cheerleaders create an atmosphere that doesn't belong on a train. Liam and Zayn eventually stop making out, but they're clinging to each other until we reach London.

"Hey," Niall says, putting an arm around my shoulder, "cheer up—we're in London."

I don't have to force a smile because he's right. I've been looking forward to this trip since forever, but it feels a little melancholy that I'm not going to experience it with Harry. "And I'm sharing a room with you, so that's like hitting the jackpot, right?"

He grins. "Oh, absolutely."

I roll my eyes playfully, but he knows as well as me that Harry would've been the jackpot. I know it's up to me, that I can just walk up to him and take his hand, but I'm not brave enough. I'm too exhausted to have this conversation, too exhausted to think about whether or not I should sneak into his room—and I probably could since he's been allowed a room of his own while the rest of us have to share.

The train didn't leave until after school, so since it's dinner time, we're all allowed to go wherever we please as long as we stay nearby. It doesn't take us long to find a McDonald's, but we bring the food back to the hotel. Liam and Zayn join us in our room so that we're all eating together. It makes me feel bad that Harry is probably eating alone. It certainly brings my mood back down.

Niall lets himself fall backward against the floor when he's done eating. "Do you guys wanna watch a movie tonight?"

I agree immediately, but Liam and Zayn look at each other, silently trying to figure out what they want. "Niall and I can watch it alone if you'd rather have sex."