Here comes the sun - Larry

CHAPTER 17

I take a shower with Emily when she's fully awake—without sex because I'm absolutely not in the mood. Harry is making pancakes when we enter the kitchen, but he won't meet my eyes, which I suppose is understandable. It's sweet, though, that's he's taking the time to make us breakfast. The others seem to enjoy it, too, eating their way through the stack when we're all seated around the coffee table.

"This was so nice of you," Liam tells Harry. "I love pancakes."

"Me, too," Niall says, mouth so full it's a mystery he has room to chew.

Harry doesn't say anything, he just smiles at their compliments. He seems more relaxed this morning, but I know he'd probably rather be home. And it worries me that he won't meet my eyes, that he's freezing me out, because I don't want him to. I understand it, given that I just left without saying anything, but he must understand that I can't have Emily find out yet. And that's when it hits me—if I'm worried about Emily finding out, then there's obviously something she needs to worry about.

I feel the pancakes make their way back up, so I hurry to the bathroom and throw up everything that needs to be thrown up. The pancakes were lovely, don't get me wrong, but it hits me out of nowhere that I've cheated on Emily, not only physically, but emotionally, too—the guilt is suddenly catching up to me, getting the better of me without preparing me for it.

I flush the toilet before I lean back against the wall with my head between my knees, forcing myself not to cry. "It was just a fucking kiss."

"Baby, what's going on?"

I don't look up, but she sits down next to me. "I don't know. Maybe I'm coming down with something."

"Let's get you back to bed, then."

I let her pull me onto my feet before she follows me back to our room. I brush my teeth before I climb under the duvet, knowing perfectly well I'm not sick, yet I feel like it anyway. "Thank you."

"I love you," Emily says, kissing me on the forehead. "I'll have Niall drive us home instead of you, okay?"

"Mmm."

I know Emily is planning on staying until after dinner, which is perfectly fine as long as I get to stay here. I don't mind spending time with everyone else, but I genuinely don't feel well. And it's definitely because the guilt is tearing at me. I always promised myself not to be this person, but suddenly I am, and I don't think I'm handling it all that well. Maybe I should come clean to Emily sooner than later and tell her the truth, but how can I do that when I'm not even sure what the truth is?

I don't know how long it takes me to fall asleep, but when I wake up again, it's because someone is knocking on the door. I don't say anything, I just wait for them to open the door. I'm disappointed that it isn't Harry, but I shake it off and let Noah come in instead.

"Hey," he says, closing the door behind him. "I'm just checking on you."

"I've slept until now."

He sits down in front of me when I sit up. "How are you feeling?"

"I don't know."

"Look, I know you only invited me so Harry could come, too. And that's fine, honestly, but I don't think you're being totally honest with yourself."

I frown. "Noah, I don't think—"

"I'm not trying to be nosy or anything, but this whole thing with you and Harry... it's pretty obvious."

I wince. "It is?"

"Maybe not to the others, but I pay attention. I don't know what's going on exactly, but it's pretty obvious that you're into each other. And I wasn't trying to shame you this morning, I just figured you didn't want anyone to catch you."