5SOS IMAGINES

i'm sorry baby girl - michael (bf)

i woke up sweating and panting, that's the fourth time this month. i just can't get the picture out of my head. him running towards me, the stairs, the punches and the kicks, the kettle. it was months ago and i still can't get it out of my head.

i felt arms wrap around me and someone caressing my head. "shh, you're safe, i'm right here baby girl." i heard them say. but i couldn't calm down. my thoughts were racing, my hands were shaking, but i just couldn't calm down.

"baby girl, i need you to breathe for me. come one, i know you can do it."

"i ca-can'-" "yes you can, this has happened before love, i know you can do it." he said, he pulled my head into his chest. "listen to my heart, try and match it, come on baby i know you can do it." i could hear his heartbeat and i knew he was there, it out my head at ease slightly.

"there you go, good job bub." he said. "you're ok, i'm right here." he assured.

i slowly calmed down, took one deep breath and completely crumpled into his embrace. "thank you mikey."

he kissed the top of my head. "of course baby girl. i love you."

"i love you." i replied as we both layer back down, my head tucked away in his neck, his arms wrapped around me as i lay practically on top of him.

"you know i'm always here baby girl, right? i'm not leaving, you don't have to worry about that. i love you too much to leave, i won't, i just won't. i promise you baby." he says and kisses my head.

it brings tears to my eyes. "i know bub, i know. i love you too, so much mikey." i say, my voice cracking from emotion. i life my head and plant a kiss on his lips and snuggle back into him.

he tightens his arms around me and kisses my head as we both fall asleep.

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it happened again, i woke up panting, but this time screaming. michael was right next to me, but dead asleep. i needed him, i really needed him.

"mikey, mikey please." i say as i shake him in an attempt to wake him up. "mikey..." i whisper desperately. he opens his arms with his eyes still closed. i lay down and snuggle into him, but he doesn't wrap his arms around me.

his heartbeat has always calmed me down, so as i rest my head on his chest, the fact that he isn't wrapping me in his arms doesn't make much different and goes unnoticed.

once i've managed to calm myself down, the sadness sets in.

the last couple of times i've woken him up, it's felt different. he said he won't leave but i don't know anymore. there's no more of the sweet reassurances, no more loving forehead kisses.

i get up from the bed and make my way down the stairs to the lounge room and make myself comfortable with a blanket in the corner. i was waiting. waiting for him to realise i'm not there and to come down the stairs, or even just call out my name. anything that reassured me he still cares.

but he doesn't. he doesn't. i lay my head down on the arm of the lounge and fall asleep with tears in my eyes.

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i wake up the next morning, my fave sticky from tears. i don't see michael anywhere but all the lights were on.

i got up and went to find him, i walked into the kitchen, the bathroom, the laundry and the bedroom but he wasn't. he left.