Why Me?

chapter 8

(Meredith's POV)

I woke up in the morning watching Derek change his clothes. His body reminded me of life before I got sick and before our life flipped upside down. I miss it so much I am just glad that Derek is staying with through all of it.

Derek then saw that I was awake and came to my bedside. "Good morning sleepyhead. How are you feeling?", Derek asked touching my arm that happened to be the injured one. I winced in pain but tried to hide it because I do not want Derek to have to call for my doctors because I'm so dumb and useless that I can't even go to the bathroom without screwing something up.

Derek pulled his arm away when he saw me wince. "Hey, what's wrong? Are you in pain?", Derek asked with obvious concern in his voice. "I'm fine. My body's just a little sore.", I said lying. "Ok, well tell me if you need anything. I'm going to get breakfast. You want some?" "I would love to but I shouldn't because I do not feel like getting sick. I'll stick to my feeding tube." "Alright. I'll be back shortly. Love you." "Love you too"

Derek kissed my cheek and left the room. I looked to see if anyone was coming into my room and no one was so I pulled out my arm from under the blankets. It was even more swollen than last night and it was blue and purple. I knew I needed to get it out checked out but I guess I can wait a little longer.

Derek came back into the room with some oatmeal and a coffee and pulled a chair next to my    bed so we could talk without yelling across the room for each other to hear.

"So, what do you think about physical therapy? I know it's only been one day but do you think about it so far?", Derek asked. "I like it. I'm pretty weak though so it's a challenge to just walk to the bathroom. I wish I was normal.", I muttered looking down. "Mer. Look at me. You're perfect in every way. If anything, you're stronger than "normal" people. At least stronger than me. I don't think I would be able to walk as well as you did one day after major abdominal surgery and sepsis. I know your recovery will be long and your gastroparesis is not making it easy but you'll be ok." "Thanks."

I didn't want to only say one thing after Derek just gave me a mini motivational speech but I don't know what to say. I mean, my life is falling apart. If something goes well, give it a few hours and my life will go downhill again. I'm just so tired.

"So, I go back to work next week. I really don't know how that's going to work because you'll still be in the hospital and I don't want to leave you in this room all day. I know how boring it can be.", Derek said breaking the awkward silence. "It's fine Derek. I'll be fine. You should go save lives next week without thinking about me because I'll be fine. I'm in a place surrounded by nurses and doctors who will help with everything I need. You've helped me so much in this past month and I'm so grateful for it but you shouldn't have to take care of me all the time. I'll be stronger soon and during that process, you should be able to do the things you enjoy without me stopping it.", I said. "Okay Mer. Thank you for understanding. I'll still spend my lunch break and other free times in here though.", Derek smirked. "I know you will.", I said smiling.

Around 11 am, Dr. Adams, my physical therapist came in to the room. "Good morning Meredith! Morning Dr. Shepherd. How is everyone today?", Dr. Adams asked. "Fine.", I said. "I'm well, thank you.", Derek said. "Great.", Dr. Adams smiled. "So today, we will be working on bathing. You won't have to undress, you can do that tonight with just Derek. I will work on sitting on the bench in the shower and standing on a wet floor. I'll make the shower floor wet like it would be when you're taking a normal shower and you can use a walker whenever you need it." 

"Okay.", I said quietly. I knew that it would be hard to hide my arm and the amount of pain I'm in now. Derek sat down to let my physical therapist and I do our thing and he would come in when we went to the bathroom. "Do your exercises to warm up your arm, leg, and stomach muscles and then will walk, carefully, to the bathroom." 

I nodded and the did the exercises. When it was time to sit up, I put my arms in the position to help me sit up and I forgot about my left arm. When I started to push up on it, I screamed in pain. "Oh my God, Meredith! What's wrong?", Derek said quickly getting up to stand by my side. "What hurts Meredith?", Dr. Adams said. "My arm..", I said with my voice cracking and tears threatening to spill. Derek helped me sit up and Dr. Adams checked my arm. "Meredith, it's completely swollen. What happened? I think it may be fractured.", Dr, Adams said.

I didn't want to say how it really happened but I was in too much pain so I just spilled. "Last night, I had to use the bathroom and I didn't want to wake up Derek for help so I just got up by myself. It's so hard for me to walk because my legs and my body are so weak so after I used the bathroom and tried to walk back to my bed, my legs gave out and I fell. I tried to catch myself with my left arm and I felt a snap...", I said looking down.

"Oh Mer.", Derek said frowning. "Well, we need to get you an x-ray. I'll call a nurse right away and I'll cancel this therapy session. I'll also have to page Dr. Romano so that he can know the tests you are getting."

"Okay.". I said quietly.

A nurse came into my room to take me to radiology. Derek went with me until I went into the x-ray room. After that, I was wheeled back to my room and Dr. Romano came in.

"Hello Dr. Grey and Dr. Shepherd. As we wait for Dr. Grey's x-ray results I will explain a few things. If Dr. Grey's arm is broken, she will need to be put in a splint and then a cast because I want to put in a G.J tube today and she'll need an I.V in both arms for different nutrients. You're losing too much weight, too fast that your body is eating away everything, including your bone matter. You're getting weaker and weaker and if you don't gain weight soon, you could get serious mental and physical disabilities. I'll talk to your orthopedic doctor after he comes in. See you in a little bit.", Dr. Romano said. 

"Oh my God.", I said with tears running down my face. Derek wiped my face and looked me in my eyes. "It will be ok Mer. Your arm will heal soon and you will get your G.J tube so you can be healthier and stronger.", Derek said. 

I didn't say anything back because I was mad. Not at Derek but at the world. What did I do that was so wrong to go through all of this?

The orthopedic specialist came in soon after with materials for a splint so I knew that my arm was broken. She explained that I fractured my radius bone and it would take 4-5 weeks to heal. After my surgery, she would take off the splint and put a hard cast on my arm. She put on the splint and left the room.

Shortly after, Dr. Romano came into my room to prep me for surgery. 

"Ready Dr. Grey?", Dr. Romano asked as he unlocked my bed wheels. "I guess.", I replied back looking at the huge splint on my arm. "You'll do great Mer. It's a minimally invasive surgery and it will be done quickly. I love you and I'll see you when you wake up.", Derek said holding my hand without the splint. "Love you too."

With that, I was wheeled away to the operating room, secretly hoping that something would go wrong and I would die for all this pain to go away.

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Dark last sentence to end this chapter. Next chapter will be about the surgery and I'll probably do a time jump because I feel like the story is getting is boring. Also I didn't proofread so if I there are any mistakes I'm sorry. I'm really tired.

1,510 words.

Sorry about not updating for 5 days also. I was on vacation and I have a writer's block right now.

See you in the next chapter and I hope you are having a good day/night.

<3