Why Me?

chapter 10

(Derek's POV)

I felt so bad after arguing with Meredith and I wish I could take it all back. After I was kicked out of her hospital room, I went to the store to buy a few things to maybe help Meredith feel better. I was such a jackass and I basically told her that she was a burden and that I needed a break. Which is not true and I have no idea why I said it.

She also told me that she wanted to die. I mean, I knew her mental health was not great but I didn't know it was that bad. Hopefully someone else knows and she is getting checked out right now. If not, I'm going to make sure that she talks to someone because I hate seeing my girlfriend depressed. Even if I might be one of the reasons that caused it.

I went to the store and bought a bouquet of flowers, a blank apology card that I would write in, a locket necklace to put a picture of us together, and a heart pillow. I would get her some strawberry ice cream but I do not want her to have spend the day vomiting because I was so stupid. 

After that, I went home and wrote in the card, put a picture of us in the locket, and freshened up a bit. I won't go back to the hospital until the morning to give Meredith some time also.

--

(Meredith's POV)

I woke up around 6 am in some pain from my arm and my stomach. I was also in mental pain from everything that happened yesterday. I don't know how many time I'm going to say this but I'm tired. I want all this pain and stress to just end. 

I tried to go back to sleep but I was in too much pain and I was stressed because that I had to talk with a psychiatrist today and I have to see Derek. I do not want to see him right now.

I just turned on the t.v with my good hand and Cristina came in 30 minutes later.

"Hey Mer. How are you feeling? I just finished rounds and your psych appointment is at 8:30 this morning with Dr. Wyatt. She was the most recommended psychiatrist when I made you an appointment. She'll be coming to your room so you won't have to get up considering your recent surgery and broken arm.", Cristina said informing Meredith.

"Hi, ok.", I replied back. I'm too drained to say anything else. I would ask for pain medicine but I can't seem to muster up the energy to do so. 

"Okay well, I have some charts to do and I can do them in here if you'd like. I'll come to your appointment if you would like as well.", Cristina said.

"I'm fine, you don't have to do them in here and ok.", I said back. I saw Cristina looking at me quizzically but she didn't say anything else. I guess she didn't want to pry anymore.

"See you at 8:30 Mer. Bye."

Cristina smiled at me sympathetically before leaving which made me think. She's never acted like this around me. Usually she would make me talk and make me work on my problems. She's gone soft with me just like everyone else has. Great. I get a chronic illness and depression and everyone starts treating me differently. I guess I understand a little bit but I hate it. I want to be treated like a regular person. And I definitely do not want to talk with a shrink but if it makes Cristina feel better, I guess I'll do it.

--

It's now 8:20 and Cristina walks into my room. I'm still in pain but I haven't told anyone. Even when the nurses came to check on me and if I needed morphine, I just said I was fine. 

When Dr. Wyatt came in, I immediately felt my heart sink. It was real now. I actually am getting help. That I do not want.

"Hello Dr. Grey. Hello Dr. Yang. I'm Dr. Wyatt, I'll just be doing a psych exam for you today Dr. Grey. Is it alright if I call you Meredith? I want you to feel as comfortable as possible and formalities may not always help that.", Dr. Wyatt said.

"Good morning.", Cristina said.

"Hi. You can call me Meredith.", I said quietly.

"Alright then, great!"

As Dr. Wyatt started to ask me questions, Cristina's pager went off.

"Oh, I'm so. sorry. I have a patient that I need to check on. I'll be back later Mer. Maybe around lunch?"

"O-ok."

Cristina hurried out of the room leaving me alone with Dr. Wyatt. Oh why would she do that. I started to internally panic which made it clear to Dr. Wyatt since my heart rate started to rise on the monitors.

"Meredith, look at me. It's ok. I won't hurt you. I'm only here to help you. I want to help you fight these suicidal thoughts. I want you to be happy, despite the gastroparesis. Despite, the fight you had with Derek. You'll be ok. I promise.", Dr. Wyatt said comforting me.

Strangely, her words calmed me down and I was ok again. We finished with the session and soon enough it was over. It wasn't bad after all. Of course my depression isn't cured, but it made my day a little better.

After Dr. Wyatt left, I turned the T.V back on and was content until I saw Derek standing in the door with a basket full of little things and a bouquet of flowers. Well, I spoke too soon. I do not not want to see Derek. I really wish I had said yes to the morphine earlier. 

"Hey Mer. I'm sorry.", Derek said.

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Hi!! I'm back. :) It's been so long since I updated or even been online on wattpad lol. Sorry about the short chapter it's so hard for me to write with one hand and I'm in a lot of pain. Hopefully I can go to sleep soon.🥲 Anyways, my surgery went well and I have a long road of recovery ahead before I can dance again but I'm ok for now so that's good.

I have a lot of reading to do so I'll be doing that for now and tomorrow haha.

Have a great day/night!! <33