All You Need Is Love: A Harry Styles/One Direction Fanfiction

Chapter 57

He never kept his promise.

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~ 3 Months Later ~

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I once saw an anonymous quote online. It read: 'I used to miss you so much, but I never felt like you really missed me back, and so I guess I just stopped missing you.' Three months ago, I would never have even contemplated relating my life even the slightest to that quote, but now, it was all that I could relate to. Well, not completely relate to, as I couldn't agree with the last part. I didn't stop missing him. I couldn't stop missing him. How could I just forget about him, about everything that we had? I couldn't, was the answer.

And I wouldn't.

So I hung on, every second of the ninety days he spent away from me, craving nothing more than a phone call or a text, sent from thousands of miles though loosening just the tiniest amount of pain instantly. But what is instantly? John Green said that nothing was instant, and my god, he was right. Because although Harry's 'vacation' leave appeared to be instant, the long-term effect it had on me was slow, and incoherent. And it most certainly was not 'instant'. Instead, it presented me with a life of insanity.

I was ninety nine point nine percent sure that the past three months had been a delirious dream, no, more like a terrifying nightmare which I couldn't run away from, even if I ran as fast as I could and my heart pounded out of my chest after my lungs prohibitively burst. But I couldn't escape any of it. I just felt like with his absence, a huge hole had been punched through my chest, the pain not instant, but unfathomably deep and set instead.

And do you know what the worst part was? I didn't think he had faith. Faith in us. Why else would he not have spoken to me once for three whole months? It was like a repeat of last year, only this time I couldn't figure out what he was afraid of.

Forbidden to remember, terrified to forget. It was certainly the hardest line I had ever walked, and was still walking. Trying my hardest not to fall off-

"Erm, excuse me? Are you alright?"

'Carly. CARLY!'

"Yeah?" I suddenly gasped, returning back to reality.

"My change," the girl pointed to the coins in my hand and I looked down, sighing to myself before handing them back to her as well as her shopping bag. I needed to just...to just snap out of it.

"Carly?"

I looked to my right at Sam standing on the cashier next to me, a worried look plastered on his face. He handed the girl her jack wills shopping bag and closed off his till as nobody else was waiting. Grabbing my arm, he pulled me along with him towards the stock room. I kept my head down, my eyes drooping slightly, sleep deprived.

"Here," Sam sat me down on a chair and I looked up at him quickly before turning my eyes to the floor again. I heard him shuffling slightly above me, most probably unsure of what to say.

"Sam, I'm-"

"Don't say you're fine, Carly. I could see it then, as you were serving that girl. I don't think she recognised you though."

"Yeah, not many people have recognised me today," I whispered. 'Which I'm extremely thankful for,' I mentally added. I looked up at him again. "It's okay, Sam. It's just...it's just an off day."

"Thinking about Harry?"

"No."

Yes. When did I ever stop thinking about him!? He was my boyfriend! Wasn't he?