All You Need Is Love: A Harry Styles/One Direction Fanfiction

Chapter 76

I’m so confused.

But I can’t be.

I’m so undecided.

But I can’t be.

I’m so energetic.

And that’s what I should be.

But I’m not energetic and excited for the concert; I’m energetic and excited from that kiss. The kiss that was seven hours ago.

My lips were still currently tingling, as though his lips had only parted from my own a few seconds ago. What the hell did that kiss even mean!? In all honesty, I was sure that it was the best kiss we had ever shared, though that was because we had both been so passionate about it – but why? I knew why I had been passionate: because I bloody loved him and he didn’t even know. But why was he? My voice had constantly been screaming the obvious response for the entire day, but I wouldn’t accept it. I didn’t believe it. It couldn’t possibly be true.

This was the exact definition of what I didn’t need right now. As soon as I had woken up, I knew that I had to be focused and set on the concert, and that I had to restrain Harry from distracting me. But I had done exactly that. I had allowed him to distract me at the worst possible time, and now my mind was buzzing so much with thoughts and feelings about him that I wasn’t even thinking straight, that I wasn’t even focused on what was in front of me right now: Madison Square Garden. I was stood in the current empty arena with the other dancers, having a final talk with our choreographers. They had just informed us that one of the twitter questions was going to be a dance off between the boys and ourselves, and so we had to prepare a quick routine. We had done, and I had learnt it, though my mind was somewhere else. I hadn’t even seen the boys – emphasis on Harry – all day, and truthfully, I didn’t want to. I didn’t know what I would say around them, well, around him. What the hell was I supposed to say!?

‘Oh, so that kiss...that was a bit hot, right? Erm...so...yeah, thanks for that, erm, kiss. Did you like it? I thought it was, erm, great, but I don’t know about you. I don’t know what it meant. Oh, and by the way, I’m still freakin’ in love with you.’

I knew that I would act like an awkward freak when I seen him...I just knew. So I would dodge him for as long as I could, and avoid what could be another heartbreaking conversation with him. Because I feared that he had only wanted the kiss. That he didn’t want me. And I wanted to avoid the confirmation of that for as long as I could, because I knew I would lose myself again. I didn’t want my heart to be shattered again.

“Okay, fabulous work, girls! The concert is in just over an hour, so head over to hair and makeup where our artists will get you all ready.”

I was the first one off stage; I wanted to get to those female dressing rooms as quickly as possible, because then I would be distracted by getting ready. Then my mind wouldn’t be so alert, I hoped. Though before I had the chance to open the door leading offstage, a hand grabbed my arm and spun me around. I feared that it was Harry, but when my eyes met Ashley’s, I was actually thankful.

“I didn’t like the way you treated me yesterday,” she spat. “But if you apologise now, I may consider forgetting about it.”

“Wow,” I laughed. “You’re still on that? Babe, that’s the last thing on my mind right now.”

I turned from her and walked away. She could take it whatever way she wanted; I didn’t care. She could even try something during the concert, and I would probably be thankful, as it would get me off the stage. It would get me away from Harry.

What was this sudden change in attitude in me? I loved Harry, and I wanted nothing more than to be with him, so why was I running away? Oh, that’s right, because I was scared. No, I was terrified. I knew that I literally wouldn’t be able to survive another broken heart. It wouldn’t have the energy to repair itself again.