Marauder era oneshots

Rockstar

"speech"'lyrics'*sounds*Thoughts

Sirius had left the wizarding world completely. He had cut all ties with his friends and reinvented himself. All his life he had dreamed of being a rockstar and had been deeply disappointed to find that neither his parents nor his friends James and Peter approved of it. Despite Remus' tries to convince the two to be nicer and more accepting, they had said that going into the muggle world was too risky and just stupid when one could become an auror. Sirius was famous and he had fans trying to always catch a glimpse of him. He loved these people who yelled his music at his concerts and wore the lyrics on shirts and tattoos. But, somehow, he felt like there was a part of him missing. He missed Remus. The one person that had made his heart flutter and his pale, smokey-eyed face flush. The one spark of light in the darkness that were his days. Remus had decided to stay in the wizarding world, what with his lycanthropy and all. He needed people who would be able to make the potions he required and to heal his wounds. He wouldn't have survived in the muggle world. Remus also missed Sirius. He had loved the boy dearly but was always afraid of saying something and ruining their friendship. 

Sirius was living day after day barely noticing the pass of time. The days were the same. Mostly. Wake up, shower, get ready, coffee, grab the guitar, costume, make-up studio, stage, autographs, van, home. Or wake up, shower, get ready, snack and coffee, studio, record, compose, record, home. He never took vacations. He never went on holiday. He never rested. He slept the bare minimum and ran on coffee. It was as if he was trying to deprive himself of all freedom. Curious, as, what Sirius had always wanted the most, was freedom. The days where he had stood in the shower, as boiling hot water ran down his skin, and sung 'Ah ah ah I was born to be a rockstar!' were far gone. He still loved what he did but he felt broken. Every day got more tiresome. He had to keep up his energetic facade while on stage but when he was alone, he fell in on himself. He relived all his dreadful memories. Sometimes, he would include lines in his songs. Between "I hate the world and the world hates me!" and "See you tomorrow, might be dead, maybe not!", he would skilfully lay his questions to the universe. 'If there's a meaning can you show me a sign' and 'the world is spinning and I wanna know why'. He wouldn't dare repeat the lines. He didn't want to show weakness. He was punk-rock. He had to be the strong, fearless rockstar with tattoos and totally badass. When he was alone in his studio, he recorded lines like: 'And we're all getting older wishing we were young. Hanging onto memories of what would become.' He never felt as if his audience would enjoy these lyrics. He never knew whether people would like if he showed himself because no one had ever liked him. 

Sure, he had been popular at Hogwarts. Every girl (and many boys) had wanted a piece of him. But only one person ever got to see the little broken boy who stared up at the sky and asked, 'Is there anybody out there?' That person was still there. Padfoot, vulnerable like a kicked dog, was still hidden behind the layers of leather, spikes and eyeliner. He remembered the questions he asked the stars and how Remus had been there for him. Despite having his own problems, the werewolf had put an arm around his shoulders and muttered 'and maybe we will never figure it out. I got a feeling that's what life's all about.' And when Padfoot had turned to Moony and asked: "Can we?", Remus would shrug and counter: 'I'm learning anything is possible now.' Sirius hadn't heard from Remus in seven years. Neither had he heard of the others but, then again, he hadn't been expecting to. He hadn't even showed up at Lily and James' funeral. He knew about Harry, but Dumbledore said that Sirius wasn't prepared to take care of a child with his current career path and that Harry would be better of at his aunt's and uncle's. Sirius had shrugged and driven off.