"Every man has his secret sorrows that the world knows not. And often time we call a man cold when he is only sad."
The perfect man.
Made rough through time.
He lies, yet he is the honorable one.
He kills, yet he is the most righteous.
He is gentle...
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Triggering contents ahead:
"I am scared, Jin," Arya whispered.
Jin remained silent but his hands were assuring Arya to open up.
"They..." Arya stopped once she started again.
"Tell me everything."
Arya got up and went to her room. When she came back, she had a packet with her. She dropped the packet in front of Jin.
Jin looked at her with questions in his eyes. She opened the packet to let Jin have a look inside.
Jin picked up a plastic vial full of tablets.
"Antidepressant." Jin read the name and remembered what he knew about her. She was prescribed high doses of antidepressant and anti-anxiety pills after she got released from the hospital.
"What you don't know is, I need to gulp down a bunch of them just to get up from the bed every morning. Sometimes I see the faces, I can hear the voices I have shut down for good. They said it's PTSD. But you know what? It's not."
"Not?"
"No. I feel guilty more than I feel the fright, and if I am afraid, It's not because of the horror, but because of who I have become." Arya wiped away her tears. "They made me kill people, Jin. Innocent people. You don't know who I have become. You have no idea."
"Arya..."
"Innocent people, woman, children..." Arya was trembling uncontrollably now, "you don't know me, Jin. I am not the girl you used to know. She is already dead. I am just her shadow."
"It's not your fault, Arya," Jin said quietly.
"No?" Arya chuckled, "I don't think so, Jin. I killed those people. No matter who controlled me or what, I can't deny the blood on my hands. I can't sleep anymore. I get up every five seconds. I have to take the meds every hour just to avoid panic attacks. You won't understand."
"Arya..."
"I know you'll look at me differently from now on," suddenly her voice broke.
"How?"
"Like I am the monster." Arya's voice dimmed down, "You are the only thread that connects me with my past. My only friend. And I am afraid that I'll lose the only friend I have just like that. You'll despise me, hate me, never want to see me again."
"I'll never do that." Jin was still composed, "I thought you know me better than anyone!"
"I do?" Arya asked quietly, "You are always so upright, Jin. So true, so honest. How would I expect you would stick to me even if I have fallen into the darkest chapters anyone can ever assume?"
"That's why you didn't tell me anything?" Jin frowned a little, "afraid I might leave you on your own?"
"It's selfish, but I don't want my last days to be alone."
