Finding You

Prologue

"And once you lose yourself, you have two choices. Find the person you used to be or lose that person completely. 'Cause sometimes you have to step outside of the person you've been and remember the person you were meant to be. The person you wanted to be. The person you are."

- H.G. Wells/One Tree Hill

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

*Flashback*

"Look Mia...," Sean pauses and stares at his feet as if searching for the right words, as if there's anything he could say right now that would fix things, that would make me feel less used.

"I know what I said," he continues, "and what I did. What we did. But can we go back to just being friends?"

Of course. Why not?

But we already were just friends, weren't we? I mean, that's what we were calling it at least.

So why did he make me second guess that? Why did he make me think he had changed his mind? I was getting over him. It was slow, but I was doing it. Why didn't he just leave me alone if he knew he didn't want this?

And on Valentine's Day of all days.

"Are you serious?" I ask, not willing to believe my ears, not willing to believe that someone I thought cared about me could be this cold. "Wow, I thought.. I just can't believe you used me like that," I say more to myself than to him.

My throat feels so tight I can barely breathe. Tears begin to sting my eyes, but I'm so numb right now, so shocked that I couldn't cry even if I wanted to.

And believe me, I want to.

"Mia, I'm sorry. I know I should've told you sooner..," he admits, but I'm well acquainted with his fake apologies by now. When I see that the emotion doesn't reach his eyes, it's clear he doesn't mean a word of what he's saying.

But I'm not going to beg him. I'm not going to try and change his mind. I mean, how many times have I gone through this with him? How many times have we ended up at this place where his casual words leave me feeling lost and broken?

How could I even be surprised that things ended up this way? I mean, when has he ever given me a reason to believe that he means the things he says?

"I guess I never knew you at all," I say softly, the realization dawning on me, and it hurts almost more than anything he's said. Almost.

"Mia, come on," he says, shoulders slumped in disbelief. "Yes you did, you still do. I said I was sorry, alright?" he says, as if repeating the same words is going to help.

"I heard you," I reply numbly, "but saying sorry doesn't make it go away. I don't... I don't think we can be friends. I'm actually starting to wonder if we ever were.."

"Mia, come on, don't be like that. We can talk about this."

"No, I don't think I really have anything else to say to you. Goodbye, Sean," I say. I stand up and turn from him, briskly walking away.

It's when he doesn't even call after me that I know we've finally come to an end.

No more take-backs, no more redos, no more "I didn't mean it"s.

There's a part of me that wants to cry for us, for him, for me; and I'm sure I will. But not here, not right now. I don't want to give him the satisfaction.

I can't believe I ever thought I loved him. I can't believe I ever wanted him back.

He's not the person I thought he was, and if that person ever existed, he's been gone for a long time.

I see that now. And I'm done.

*Flashback Ends*

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A/N - Hi everyone! (Or anyone kind enough to give this book a read)

So, for anyone who doesn't know, I've decided to rewrite and revamp my first book!

The plot is basically going to be the same as (Insert Story Here), but this version will be much better written and include some bonus content that I felt like the original was missing.

If anyone cares, I'm not going to take down the original. I wrote it when I was actually in high school, so there's an authenticity there that I just don't want to lose.

If you're interested in this book, please don't get impatient and just go read the old version. I'm trying to finish this rewrite in time to submit for The Wattys, so it will be finished very quickly.

Updates should be once a day (maybe more), and I promise, it will be worth the wait :)

See you all tomorrow, and happy reading!