Finding You

Chapter 38 - On the Right Side of the Wrong Bed

A/N -  Song on the side is Drunk by Ed Sheeran.

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"Well, that was without a doubt, the most difficult exam I have ever taken," I say, picking up a rag and starting to wipe down the chalkboards.

Sean lets out a short laugh. "Yeah, well, at least it's finally the weekend," he replies as he sweeps the floor. "And just think, in a few days we'll be seniors."

Today is the last Friday of the school year. Next week we'll only have a few more days left, and then, like Sean said, we'll be seniors.

On paper at least. We've still got a whole summer in front of us before we officially assume that role.

Summer.

I know I should be excited or happy, but I don't know, I just feel so.. empty.

After a breakup, there comes a certain point when you stop blaming them and start to blame yourself. I must be the reason why he did what he did. I must not be good enough, I must not be pretty enough, I must not have been smart enough. Something. It must've been something. It must have been my fault.

My friends.. None of them know that I'm still this bad off, and I don't want them to know. I can't take that look from them anymore. That pity. If I see that on their faces every time I turn around, it will only make all of this more real. And right now, reality is the last thing I need.

When I let myself think about it for too long, I just feel sad and.. alone. And it's not a normal loneliness. It's a loneliness so deep that my chest aches, but being around other people just makes me feel suffocated because none of them are him. It's not really much of a surprise, is it? I mean, once you love something, and I mean really love something, you always love it. It's a part of you, for good.

This just isn't how I expected to be ending my junior year. Heartbroken. I've been spending entirely too much of my time that way this year.

Never again.

"Yeah I guess. But did you have to offer to clean the classroom?" I reply over my shoulder. "That was such a kiss-up move."

"Hey, you might be confident in your score. I, on the other hand, could use some extra help," Sean says with a laugh. "I mean, it couldn't hurt. You didn't have to stay and help me though."

I toss the rag back on the shelf and dust off my hands. "Yeah, well, I figured I owe you," I reply. "I never would've made it through exams without your help."

"Oh, so you owe me?" Sean says, looking up from his sweeping. "Wow, so many possibilities here," he says, tapping his chin in thought.

I raise an eyebrow at him. "You know what? I take it back," I say, with a laugh. I cross the room and take a seat on one of the desks we cleaned, my feet dangling just above the floor.

Sean smiles. "I'm just kidding," he says. "You don't owe me anything. Seriously, it was the least I could do."

"Yeah, maybe. But still, thanks. I have not at all been one hundred percent these past few weeks, and although I hate to admit it, having you around actually kind of helped," I admit, glancing up at him and lightly swinging my legs back and forth.

Sean goes to dump all the debris from the floor into the trash. When he turns back to me, there's a look on his face that I just can't seem to read.

"What?" I ask. "Why are you looking at me like that?"