Finding You

Chapter 12 - On Wednesdays We Wear Pink

*Flashback*

Sean and I have been dating for about four months now, and things have been good.

Well, if you can call fighting and breaking up every month "good."

Today, we're meeting up at the beach to try and talk things out after one of our disagreements. He claims he can explain himself. I claim he's a lying jerk, so this should be an interesting conversation.

It's late in the afternoon so there aren't too many people around, and the sun shines brightly in the sky.

I've been sitting here for a good fifteen minutes already now, listening to him try to apologize, but nothing he's said has made any difference.

"I just think it's a really big coincidence that you wanted to 'take a break' the same week that your ex-girlfriend was in town," I say.

I'm barely holding back my frustration, but I'm trying as hard as I can not to sound accusatory. If he thinks I'm accusing him, he'll use it as an excuse to shut down, and I'll never get any answers.

"Come on, I already told you, that had nothing to do with her. I just needed some time to figure some stuff out," he says.

"Really? Because I heard that you asked her out and she rejected you. Then pretty soon after that, you called me up apologizing, asking for another chance," I shoot back, glaring at sand beneath my feet.

"That's not how that happened at all. You know you can't believe rumors, Mia," he says. "I asked her if she wanted to hang out some time as friends. I just wanted to see if I could be friends with her again, you know? Make sure there was no bad blood between us? Please, you have to believe me."

He sets his hand over mine, and I snatch my hand away.

Before I came here, I had made up my mind to end this, this ridiculous, unstable relationship.

I never wanted this. I never wanted to be that on/off couple, that couple people whisper about when they pass them in the halls.

I certainly never wanted to get so used to it that it feels normal.

"Sean, I can't keep doing this," I say softly. "I can't keep going back and forth with you. It's not fair to me." My throat is constricted now, and it's getting harder to breathe, but I need to say this.

He reaches out and grabs my hand again; this time, I don't pull away. He looks deep into my eyes, and I know whatever he says next will make me change my mind.

I should stop him, cut him off before he can get a word out, but I don't.

"I know, babe, I know, it's not fair to you," he says. "It's never fair. Look, that day when I ended things, I didn't mean a word of what I said. I was just frustrated and confused, and I took it out on you."

He reaches up and brushes a stray curl behind my ear. "But please, you have to believe me, it was never about whether or not I wanted to be with you. I want to be with you and nobody else," he continues. "Ending things on a whim was a mistake, and I lost the best girlfriend I've ever had. If you give me another chance, I swear, it'll be different this time, and I'll never let you go again." He pauses and runs a thumb over my knuckles before looking into my eyes.

"Please be mine again."

This has happened before, you know. He breaks up with me, comes crawling back, makes a speech, and I forgive him. Every time. But I can't help it.