Finding You

Chapter 35 - Critical

They say you can actually die from a broken heart.

Apparently, after a deep emotional trauma, the heartstrings can break causing the heart to lose form and be unable to pump blood correctly.

The way I felt when Hunter said those words, I don't question the validity of that statement for a second.

When I wake up the next morning, I forget about yesterday. Just for a second, while my brain is still shaking off the sleep and I'm not really thinking yet, I don't remember. It feels like a normal day until I open my eyes and feel around for my phone. When I can't find it, that's when I remember.

All at once, everything comes rushing back.

I put my phone under my mattress because I didn't want to see his calls or texts. Why? Because he lied to me.

The numb feeling from yesterday is gone, and it hits me. The betrayal, the heartbreak, the lies, the feelings of inadequacy - all of it.

It hits me like a truck, and my eyes begin to sting with tears again.

I'm glad that my family isn't home. I wouldn't want any of them coming into my room, asking me what's wrong and seeing me like this.

When everything happened with Sean, I hid it. From everyone. I hid it from my family. I only told my friends the basics. Honestly, I still haven't told them everything. I was so ashamed of how stupid and weak I was that I dealt with the entire thing on my own. The only person I told the full story to was Hunter.

Maybe that's why it took so long for me to get over it though. For weeks, I treated it like some sort of deep dark secret that everyone would judge me for if they found out.

But I don't want that this time. I don't want to handle it alone again. More importantly, I don't think I can.

The first time I let someone use me was bad enough. This time... I'm afraid it might kill me.

I reach under my mattress to grab my phone, and before you go there, no, I am not calling Sean. I don't want to see him any more than I want to see Hunter. Something tells me that his reasons for tipping me off weren't exactly honorable, and I think he may have just used my panic attack as an excuse to get close to me.

Once I turn my phone on and look at the screen, that pain in my chest grows even worse.

Hunter called me twelve times last night.

Twelve calls and eighteen texts.

And yet, I can't bring myself to open a single one of them. It'll hurt too much. Although, I can't decide what would be more painful: listening to him and knowing I can't trust a single word he says, or never hearing his voice again. The thought of having to choose either is enough to break my heart.

I stare at the notifications for a few seconds, before disregarding them and unlocking my phone. I don't delete them though. I could never do that. Scrolling past, I promise myself that I'll look at them later, when I'm ready. Although I have no idea when that will be.

Wiping the tears from my face with my shirt sleeve, I go to my contacts list and dial.

"Hello?" Rose answers on the other end.

"Hey," I manage to get out, trying to keep her from hearing the way my voice is shaking. Clearing my throat, I continue, "Are you, um, are you busy right now?" I ask.

"Actually, I'm getting ready to go out with Alex," she says, and I can hear the smile in her voice. "We got back together last night!"

I wipe my eyes again. "That's great," I say, my own voice still dry from lack of use. "But, um, I'm calling because - "