Live To Tell

Rape case

Chapter 10

 Tupac Shakur charged with rape.  

The TV flashed that odious title in front of me over and over again. The news anchor was debating this with his fellow guests. They all talked like they grew up with Tupac, like they knew who he was. They knew where he came from, his ways. They were experts. Tupac charged with fucking rape.

I looked in the room and I saw his brother standing there and Yaki, his godbrother. I looked at both of them and they looked at me.

"You don't believe that now, do you?" I heard Mophreme ask me. I wanted to slap him right there. I was disgusted, I was infuriated and I was confused. What happened? That's what I needed to know so I asked it out loud.

"Some girl who was with Tupac a month ago or some' said they fucked and then he and his boys screwed her around. Tupac joined or lead them, some shit like that." Yaki answered and I wanted to throw up. I went pale and I looked at the TV again and I turned it off. That TV won't be opened as long as I'm around.

I haven't seen Tupac all day, neither the next day, nor the day after. He was in New York to solve this mess. Afeni called to check on me and we talked about this in few words. I didn't want to debate this subject. There was no doubt in my mind, and there's still no doubt, that Tupac never did that. Sure, they probably went around, these women are like that and I don't blame them, but I don't blame Tupac either. I don't want to. I know he'd never touch a woman without her wanting it. I lived with this man for a year now, I knew him better than anyone because I saw him off cameras, I was there, I talked to him, I cried with him, we shared the same food, the same house, we laughed together, fell asleep with each other. He never touched me inappropriate, he'd never even look at me the wrong way. We had our chemistry going but it was never out of hand. Never. I could testify all this in court for him, I even wanted to but Afeni never let me.

It was probably a week already and this situation was getting worse. In Atlanta I had people coming around asking what's going on but Tupac was detached. He'd always put a smile on his face and just curse some things out. Afeni came to live with us for a while, she probably felt the need to be there for her son, supporting him, as a mother.

We didn't talk much because I was caught up in school and he was in and out of Atlanta. At home, there was always someone keeping him busy so we just didn't really catch up at all. Again, this distance between us has always been like a silent bond we shared. I never doubted him and he knew he could count on me and as soon as we'd get the chance we'd talk it out. It happened one day when I was home and he and Afeni had a strong argument. I was upstairs but I could still hear the yells. They were going at each other, Afeni blaming him for putting himself in a situation like that, for allowing people to set him up, Tupac was shouting back he didn't know, he trusted people and he was fooled. I felt bad for both of them, but I'll admit this injustice tore me apart. It left me with a deep scar because I couldn't understand how people could do something so awful to a person who wanted nothing but the best for everybody. Tupac would never hurt a fly unless that fly set on his face. That's who he was. And seeing closed people turn on him, fans turn on him, the media turning him into this atrocity of a human being, everyone was feeding off this. Absolutely everyone benefited, including the oppressor he fought so hard against. It hurt me, I'd usually cry myself to sleep and wake up with lack of motivation to go to school or go out or just mind my business. At school everyone was talking about it and it was making me sick psychically. Afeni noticed so she let me stay home until things would clear up. Thank God no nosy schoolmate ever asked me what happened because I would have punched them right in the face. Internally I had a vivid battle with the world but I couldn't do anything about it. I felt so helpless, I felt like I can't protect him. And it hurt... It hurt so badly...

The yells stopped at some point and I heard footsteps and then the door shut to Afeni's room. Their fight was over and probably both of them were hurt enough. I carefully walked out my room and I made my way downstairs. The house was silent and it was just him sitting on the couch. He had his face in his palms and... he was crying. I had never seen him cry like that before. I felt my heart smashed to pieces, I felt him so vulnerable, I felt like he tried so hard to handle everything, to keep his head up and battle all these lies but he had nobody on his side. He was exhausted. I walked over to him and I found myself crying too. I touched his head with my hand and I hugged him from behind. He didn't fight it, he relaxed his shoulders and he calmed his breath.

"I know you didn't do it." I whispered with affection and kissed his warm cheek. "I believe in you. Everything will be alright." I felt him pulling me to his chest and he kissed me like never before. He kissed me with devotion and need. I was probably the first person who came to him and assured him things will be okay. I responded and we lanced ourselves in this very soulful kiss, very meaningful too. His hands started pulling me closer, like he wanted to absorb me into his being. I felt my heart racing faster the moment his hands touched my skin under my shirt and in no time he took it off me. I looked at him and he had stopped crying. He looked hopeless but secure now. He gave me an affectionate smile before he kissed my lips one more time and lift me up in his arms and he took me upstairs. The rest is only for me to keep.

We made love like the world has dissolved and it was just us two left. That was my first experience into bonding with Tupac. I can confess that in that moment I was linked to him in all three ways possible: physically, mentally and emotionally. It was genuine feeling and it was enticing to explore it with him. He was carrying and attentive but very passionate and very secure of his moves. I melted and I reborn in his arms. It was clear to me that he was the man that I will wear inside me as long as I live, decades after I no longer felt his heart beat again.