Live To Tell

West Coast vs. East Coast

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The media was boiling in 1996 with the whole war between East and West. Everyone was talking about it, the newspapers and magazines had pages about this so called war, talk shows and music shows were presenting over and over who's better than who, who sides rules over the other, tabloids were speculating insane stories about Tupac and Biggie and l was shoved in the middle along Biggie's wife. And in this particular moment l learnt that Tupac was a master when it came to the press. The same press that used to portray him in a horrible way, who deserved him and put him in jail for 11 months just an year and a half ago was now feeding him opportunities and business deals, movies roles and prime time occasions to speak out. And he loved putting fuel to the fire because it made him powerful. He was more powerful than he has ever been and he loved it, he was insane about it, he felt the world at his feet and truth be told, he had it. In this moment in our lives he was concerned the most about building a strong black man figure to remain in history and he was working for it day and night. Makaveli was born after a long talk we had about his time in jail where he used to read tons of books and where he shaped his mind, that's how he'd called it. He turned Thug Life into something better, into a next level philosophy, a progressive one. He had a vision about overcoming the old you, turning you from an underdog to a king, a soldier into a warrior and he was following it blindly. And at the depth of it, it was all for the community. But he got carried away...

It wasn't the same having Tupac as this big personality on everyone's lips as it used to be when we were back in New York or Atlanta and he was just a rapper with a big mouth and tons of records both musically and legally. Now life was tiring, a lot of things to deal with, a lot of problems we faced as a married couple and as individuals. 'Bullet' was received well by the public, but my acting skills weren't ones people were crazy about which was a downward for a beginner's career like myself. My looks, often shaped by the make up, my appearance to appeal Hollywood's standards would make me look like this brainless doll who couldn't act for shit. And l was more than that and l was getting frustrated. And then, there was Tupac who would push my limits and who wanted me to become the person he knew l was. I had a lot to grow from and he didn't mind schooling me.

Romantically, we were as tight as ever despise the craziness that was happening in our lives. As his wife, l had to deal mostly with rumors and paparazzi who just loved to try me. Whenever l went public without him they loved it and fed off it, making it look like it was a sign of breakup. Tupac was as protective as ever, maybe even more since we got shot. I had his bodyguard around me everywhere and I didn't mind it because Frank Alexander was more like a father figure to me. Out of everyone in Tupac's entourage during time, Frank was the oldest he befriended and he was a very interesting person to whom I related quickly. Being without my parents for so long, I was still seeking wise people to kind of surrogate that need of parental figures. I had a mother in Afeni and I had a father in Frank. So whenever Frank escorted me around the city, to a photoshoot or to the studio to meet Pac, I had a good time and I knew he'd protect me and we had the best, most interesting topics to talk about. He remained my bodyguard, my friend and my father years after Tupac closed his eyes forever.

Despise the rumors that were surrounding us in that time, Pac and l were almost always together, in public or home, at the studio or just hanging around. We didn't stop being married now that he was a bigger star and he had all these new professional people handling him and these bigger opportunities, these fans and these groupies at almost every step he took. He was still his own boss and he was never afraid to speak his mind out. He was a devoted husband and it was difficult to suspect him of being a cheater when he was mostly home and even when he'd go out, he'd make sure I knew what's up, mostly when females were all around him. Studio sessions were my favorite because l'd get to work with him and spend time with him. We'd work on songs, we'd talk ideas out, we'd play with the sounds. It was a team work that helped me become more professional and more aware of the work an artist like him was putting in every single song, regardless if it was coming out or not.