Love, Helena

Chapter 11

Wren had her face buried in her hands as she scrambled to sit up against the headboard, her frame was slightly shaking with fever tremors and unshed tears. It wasn't fair for Xavier to get the worst of her so much. She was supposed to be the person to comfort and offer him solace, not the other way round. Little did she know that it killed him to see her in pain and have absolutely nothing to do about it.

"Helena," He called gently, reaching for one of her hands.

She stiffened when he touched her, and spoke out in a muffled voice, "Please don't, Xavier... Not right now."

A pang shot through his chest as her words registered. "You don't want to see me?"

Wren shook her head, still refusing to look up. She could hear the hurt in his voice and it made her skin crawl with the knowledge that she caused it. It seems that is all she ever does when it comes to him.

"You need to leave, Xavier, because- she said in a small voice.

"Because what? I'm not leaving Helen." He cut her, half pleading, half agitated.

She sighed, "I can't keep hurting you or stringing you along... You deserve much better than that."

Xavier exhaled in relief, closing his eyes for a second before decidedly prying her hands from her face, pulling her to him and wrapping his arms around her tightly. He felt how burning hot her skin was against his, her entire body trembling. He gave himself the liberty to bury his fingers in her blonde locks and draw her head to the crook of his neck, relishing in the feel of her in his arms, something he'd only dreamt of before. "You've always been my saving grace, Helen. I don't know where you get the notion that you hurt me."

"I'm never going to be good enough for you, Xav..." Wren spoke, voice muffled against his white crisp shirt-clad chest.

Xavier let his hand travel up and down her back to relieve some of her stress, leaning his head on hers. "Let me be the judge of that, Helena. You're more than enough."

"All I do is mess up, and trust and get broken again. I never listen to you, but you're always there patiently waiting to soothe away my pain. It can't go on like this forever." Wren shut her eyes tightly, wishing for a split second that she could forget everything and pretend, that this man was her husband instead, the father of her children, her sweet lover. It would be unfair to him, she knew, but she couldn't help think how contrastingly different her life would have been if indeed it was Xavier by her side all those years.

"So what? We all mess up and get broken. No one is capable of reading the future. You were young, and innocent, and sweet. You stayed loyal and strong for so long, but you're right. You can't go on like this forever." Xavier took a deep breath and pulled back from her, holding her delicate face in both of his calloused hands, making her look at him, "You don't have to go on like this Wren, you just need to take courage and start pursuing what makes you happy."

Wren shook her head, looking at Xavier's face full of hope and conviction and compassion. She never felt like she wanted to kiss someone so bad for the last sixteen years, until now. "I'm starting to think I was never destined to be happy."

"Then think again, Helen." Xavier put his forehead to hers and closed his eyes clenching his jaw to keep his emotions at bay. He couldn't be so close to her, look at her teary eyes, feel her scent and breath mingling with his, her haunting eyes and luscious lips a whisper away from his, and not feel a storm stir within him. He chastised himself for having these thoughts at such a time. He had to keep chanting in his head, she's still a married woman. She's still a married woman. She's still a married woman...