Love, Helena

Chapter 17

There was little light inside the car as they drove back in silence. To Helena's advantage, since she was sure she's still blushing from that almost kiss. God, she was acting worse than a teenager who's never held hands with a boy. Was it because it's been so long since she's felt someone touch her lovingly, since someone made her crave it? Or was it precisely because the man in question was Xavier?

"You haven't said a single word since we left." His composed voice broke the heavy silence. She chanced a look at him and thought he seemed unusually tense. "Are you mad at me? Have I overstepped my limits?"

'Of course that's how he'd interpret my silence.' She mentally berated herself. Taking a deep breath, Helena faced his way, though he kept his eyes on the road. "I'm not. I have no reason to be. I'm so sorry for the way I've been behaving. I didn't mean to hurt you."

"Don't say that, Helen." He sighed in relief. "I thought, I probably was putting too much pressure on you and made you feel like you had to move on instantly. I understand you need time on your own to find a new balance, and I tried, really but-

A smile crept on her face as she put her hand over his. He intertwined their fingers immediately, both of their bodies relax with the simple touch. "I would never doubt you'd want anything but the best for me, you know. Maybe I shouldn't have shut you out... I guess, I let Zack's words get to me a little."

He tightened his grip. The feeling was mutual, if she was honest. She didn't particularly want to mention her ex-husband's name or anything that involves him again. She had to constantly remind herself that it was well and truly over, and that he was out of her life now. But sometimes it was harder than expected to break out of toxic cycles, and her long term relationship was proof of that.

"You had to get that divorce for you, because you deserve better. I know that, selfishly, I want to be someone worthy of you, but I meant it when I said I'd wait. As long as it'll take you." He replied gently, running his thumb on the back of her hand.

"I know that, Xav. It's why I trust you." 

"Then don't distance yourself. Talk to me, let me know what you're thinking and how you feel." He asked, "Otherwise I might drive myself insane with questions."

Helena chuckled, "Who said Xavier Gregory couldn't be dramatic?"

He shook his head, "Well, now we also know the catalyst of that."

"Oh shush!" She tapped his hand, "You've always been a bit of a drama queen, don't lie."

"I am deeply offended, Helena Wren. What would people think of me, hearing you say that." He joked.

"Certainly not the scary, poker-faced, untouchable man everyone seems to think you are." She mused.

"Is that the impression I give?" He was genuinely curious. Xavier wasn't exactly self-concious about his image by any means. Helena always found that extremely amusing.

"Wasn't that the impression you just gave Arthur?" She raised a brow at him as he stopped the car in a semi-empty parking lot and turned to face her.

He was confused for a moment before he recalled the man from earlier, then his expression soured. "Oh, that man..."

"Now what is up with that reaction?" She nudged his arm.

He took a deep breath, rubbing his temple nervously, "Nothing."

"Xavier Gregory," Helena's eyes twinkled mischievously, "Are you jealous?"

"What?" Xavier turned to meet her gaze, brows furrowed. "I- no?"