Love, Helena

Chapter 28

Many thoughts occupied Terrance's mind as he looked at Amber's closed eyes and peaceful face. After hours of pacing and emotions running wild, she had finally succumbed to fatigue and fell asleep. He took as little space on the corner of the sofa as he could so that she can lay down comfortably. She let out a little sigh and snuggled closer to him. The unconscious gesture made it feel like someone threw a warm weighed blanket over his chest. He kept running his fingers through her locks, listening to the distant ticking of a clock somewhere.

After spending hours outside in the freezing night, they were finally allowed in the house when the police had run their inspections. Terrance thought it was awfully useless. The procedures and paperwork and legalities took unnecessary time and effort and were absolutely no practical help in finding the missing girl. Ophelia, as Amber had told him many times, was a miniature picture of her mother. She was the sweetest and liveliest little girl. Amber would often complain about how much of a handful she was whenever she had to babysit her or take her out, she complained how she couldn't keep up with her energy, but she loved her to bits. He knew it whenever she saw an ad for some wildlife puzzle or frilly little dress that Amber would save up in her phone discretely. He saw it in the way she'd drop everything and head home to hang out with her sister no matter how much she grumbled about not wanting to. He heard it in her voice when she called him, and felt it in the pure terror and panic in her entire body the minute he got to the house. Terrance was an only child. He'd never known what it was like to have a family really, so he could not understand, but tonight... Tonight he did.

It wasn't his place to feel bitter about a past he normally never even bothered to remember or mourn. He was a practical person, and letting his past weigh him down was simply a waste of energy. The past was in the past, though it made him the person he is, he accepted it no questions asked. He never felt an urge to lament or curse the way he was wired, at least not until that night Amber walked out of his life for what he thought would be the last time. But she had called him tonight. She needed him. And the thought terrified him.

"You..." He heard a quiet voice. He snapped from his distant brooding and turned his head towards the armchair. Amber's mother, Helena, sat there quietly for the past two hours. He had thought she fell asleep, but one look at her let him know that she didn't catch a wink of it, nor was she planning to anytime soon. Helena cleared her throat and looked at Terrance's hand tangled in Amber's hair. He suddenly felt like a kid caught doing something wrong. He fought the urge to take away his hand and blinked for a second. He was a grown man. In fact he was only probably a couple years younger than Helena. Hell he was closer to her in age than to her daughter. The thought didn't help make him feel any less awkward.

"You're the man she's been seeing?" Helena asked tiredly. There was no reproach in her voice. No anger, no calculation... In fact, the question and look she gave him were both devoid of judgement- It surprised him, but it prompted him to take a closer look at her.

"I am." At least he could own up to it, be honest. When he first saw her tonight, he was surprised to find out she was Amber's mother. She looked so young still, he could have mistaken her for an older sister if he didn't know Amber had none. Now, he saw years she hadn't lived yet written in every inch of her face. The stress had made her look older than she was. There were dark circles beneath her eyes, makeup that started to smudge but she didn't seem to notice nor care. He couldn't blame her. How would it feel to be in a predicament such as hers? "I am sorry... for- uh, how the night's gone down."

Helena's lips drew into a thin line. She looked at her sleeping girl and sighed. Her shoulders dropping almost in defeat. "I don't know what happened between you two... but I'm glad you showed up for Amber tonight."

Terrance nodded. His phone in the distance buzzed with a meaningless notification. The illuminated screen let him know it was 4:16am. Amber has barely been sleeping for sixteen minutes. "I hurt her..."