Spare Heart

{14}

      "So this is your place huh?" I glanced around the apartment, it was fairly simple as far as decorating goes. Unless you counted the mess as decorations but it was cute. There wasn't much mess, just the occasional pair of discarded clothes and some used mugs. It was much cleaner than I could ever keep it if I had my own apartment.

      "The one and only," Jack said, wagging his brows. It seems Jack and I had formed a close friendship over the space of a week. We went from texting, to calling, to eventually meeting up with each other⏤like today. 

      We just spent our time at the mall, doing absolutely nothing except for mucking about yet it was one of best days I'd had. Maybe it's because he didn't know about Chantelle, so I wouldn't catch him sending me pitiful glances when he thought I wasn't looking, like everyone else does.

       I truly do appreciate everyone's concern but it's just not needed. I get that they're worried about me but if I was really struggling you'd be able to tell. Or if I wanted them to know I'd tell them. Obviously I'd have my occasional meltdowns but I just want to live. 

      This is no way, in any shape or form, me trying to forget about her cause I don't think I could ever do that but I just want to experience life. Sure I was doing that before when C was alive but when she passed it was like an awakening. You don't know when someone's going to leave you so you have to cherish every moment. I just want to be as free as I can, without being so perilous. 

      I know I still drink and smoke but I'd never take the risk of being in a vehicle again in an intoxicated state, whether I'm driving or I'm in the passenger's seat with an inebriated person. I have so much potential in life, there's so many things I could do and I'd hate to cut my time short. I wanna do things; I want to fall in love, I want to grow old⏤actually I don't know about that. I don't want to be all pruned up, but you get the gist of it. 

      Rant over, I zoned back in when a heavy weight landed on me. Jack's feet rested on my legs while the rest of his body stretched across the couch.

      "I'm hungry," he complained. 

      "We were just out. Why didn't you get food then?"

      "Cause I wasn't hungry then. I was having too much fun to be hungry," he whined. 

      "Well what are you in the mood for? I can cook or we can order out."

      "You'd cook me something?" His voice raised so high you would think he was a whistle.

      "Yeah, don't make a big deal about it," I grumbled, crossing my arms across my chest, not liking the gleam in his eyes.

      "Aww you love me."

      "No I don't." I scowled when he pinched my cheek. Pushing his hand away to stop his stupid antics, I rubbed the red spot on my cheek, frowning when it felt a tiny bit sore. He pinches like a grandma⏤hard.  

      "You so do."

      "Whatever. I'm not cooking you anything now so what are you in the mood for?"

      "I could have a fat Chinese right now and I mean fat. I want a whole buffet." He looked lost in thought as he imagined all the oriental food he could eat. "Just image, salt and pepper chips, stir fry beef or even some kung pao chicken, maybe a few dumplings and some egg rolls with a side of prawn crackers." 

      That did sound really appetizing. I licked my lips, mouth practically salivating as I thought about all the food I could eat. Maybe I could fit some food in my stomach. With the rate I'm eating take out I'm going to gain a lot of weight. I really need to stop eating it so much cause I refuse to go to the gym. Just the thought pained me.