Spare Heart

{43}

      It was the day after Chantelle's birthday and I was still feeling a little glum. Okay a lot. After buying flowers I spent a few hours at her grave before I decided to pay Mary and Tom a visit instead of a phone call. Which ended with many hugs, from Mary's side, and lots of tears. And when I finally came home Justin was still at Gustav's house and my mom thought he was at Dean's apartment so I couldn't call Dean over. 

      Basically my life still felt like it was in shambles. 

      I grumbled incoherently, stuffing my tie into my bag when it wasn't turning out right. I'll just ask Dean to do it later. 

      I probably looked like a crazy person, cursing at an inanimate object. I turned the corner and my school came into view. I shook off my nerves as deja vu washed over me. It was just like the first day of senior year. I sighed at my behaviour. Man up Jade.

      Growing some balls I strutted into school acting as if my life was perfect. No one knew it was Chantelle's birthday, except a handful of people I loved, It's going to be fine. Yep, definitely deja vu. 

      Walking into homeroom, I caught the eyes of my sympathetic friends. All three of them sent me supportive messages yesterday but I hadn't opened them, too focused on not guzzling down a bottle of fireball to cope with my feelings. My attempts were successful, I didn't consume a single drop of alcohol yesterday. 

      It was a struggle but I did it and it was worth it in the end. Jesus, I sound like an addict. I'm not I had just become a little co-dependant on liquor since Chantelle's death. I was proud of myself and so was my mom, and Frank, when they didn't see glassy, red rimmed eyes. My mom had informed Frank about Chantelle, which I was fine with. I have a feeling he's going to be in our lives for a long time. 

      I think she told him so he understood why I used to come home drunk a lot and I wasn't just a stupid teen. Well I was a stupid teen but at the time it was my way of coping with things. Mom had tried getting me to stop but eventually she realized I just needed to get through this by myself. Plus she was overcome by grief herself but tried to put on a strong face to support me.

      "Hey guys," I smiled, sliding into my seat in between Tyler and Seth. 

      "Hi, how you feeling?" Tyler asked. 

      "Like shit but I'll get through it," I said honestly, feeling much stronger than yesterday. I've just got to take it one day at a time. Yesterday was a little setback but today will be better. I'm convinced of it. My eyes wandered around the room when I locked eyes with a vicious glare directed at me. I gave Layla a little wave before facing the boys. 

      "What's up with her?" Seth furrowed his brows. 

      "I was at the cinema the other day. She saw me but then she also saw Dean. She was acting all weird so he was giving her dead replies then she got mad at me like it was my fault and then she tried to slap me," I explained, leaving out the part where Dean and I went together. 

      "Damn," Austin whistled from next to Seth. 

      "She has officially lost it," Tyler chuckled. 

      "She said she was waiting for you," I turned to Tyler in confusion, thinking he'd clarify but he looked just as confused as me.

      "I mean she asked me but I said no every time. Like the actual word 'no' not some maybe bullshit so she should've gotten the hint. She will not leave me alone. It's like she just knows when I'm there. We could be on opposite ends of the hallway and she'd still manage to find me. I have to make a U-turn anytime I see her just so she doesn't speak to me," he whined.