Afraid (Lesbian Teacher Student - Alex Vause/Piper Chapman aka Laura Prepon & Taylor Schilling (OITNB)

Chapter 11

(Short) Laura's POV

I felt bad for leaving our date like that but I had no option or had I? Maybe I should of asked her if she wants to come with me, at my house. Ugh, why didn't I think of that? I could of seen that she is sad and angry? Sometimes, she's hard to read because I don't know what's going in her mind. I hate myself for ruining this night, I feel guilty.

As I came home, I saw Tom still in house. I thought he had to go? Hmm.

''What are you doing here? I thought you had to leave?'' I asked.

''Ohh, well, about that... uhm, they called me again and said that they don't need me anymore, it's cancelled, I wanted to call you so you wouldn't need to come back but I assumed that you're already on your way.'' I feel like he's hiding something.

I give me a suspicious look. Oh, he knows really well that look and I know he's lying so I'm waiting him to tell me what's going on, but he isn't saying anything.

''Okay, Tom. I thought you'd say it by yourself, but what is acutally going on? I know you very well and I know you're lying so speak up!'' It better not be something stupid, because of him I ruined Taylor's and mine night.

''Don't be angry, Specner told me you went on a date and I tried not to call you, I really did but I can't imagine you being with someone else. I just can't. I love you too much to let it happen, I got jealous and called you.'' he said and I stayed silent, I don't know how to react. I'm mad at him for ruining my night, but it's cute of him to think that way but again, there can't be anything between us. I have feelings for Taylor, but also I will always have feelings for Tom. I just... don't know how I feel.

''Tom...'' I stopped so I could think of the way to say what I want, I really don't know how to say it, fuck. ''You know I like you, but I have really strong feelings for someone right now and that person is very important to me, and you have ruined our night. I don't have much time to spend with that person and now I had a chance but it's ruined. It's cute of you to think that way, you need to move on because I did. I think you should go, I had a long day and I have no energy for this. Please.'' I don't want to deal with this now or even later.

''Okay, I will. I'm gonna go on work trip because they asked me if I could, so I will. It seems like a good idea. And, I'm sorry and you're right. I'll try my best for a good of both of us.'' He said and walked away. Thank God. I check on Spec and he's already sleeping. I can't blame him for saying about my date to Tom, it's not his fault. I shouldn't have said anything in front of him because he's still a child and doesn't know to whom he should tell such things or similar. I'm gonna go to my bed and take a rest, it's been a messy day.

TAYLOR'S POV

I woke from cold on my body. I'ts cold and obviously the reason is because I didn't cover myself with a blanket. Stupid me. I feel a light headache, it could be from crying. I cried myself to sleep. I look up at my phone and it's 3:36am. Ohh, great. How am I supposed to fall asleep now when I think about Laura again?! Jeez. She didn't even try to text me or call. I feel like I did something wrong, but I didn't. What if I did and she made an excuse to go? Why am I even fall for her, except because she is like a perfection? I feel like she's only with me to play some kind of a game with me and my heart and to see if she could break it. If that's her plan, she's doing pretty damn well. I didn't realize I was crying until I felt tears going down on my cheeks. I don't know how to express my pain, to let it out, the only thing that's coming into my mind is cutting. But, no. I am not gonna do it. I have to stay strong for myself and for Tasha & Malik. I've been clean for a while, I stopped counting. The reason I cutted was my depression and fucking feelings and my crazy mind. I had no one and now I still feel like I don't, but when I think again I have Malik and Tasha, my friends and Laura. Well, about having Laura we could talk. I'm not sure that I have her. I feel more like I'm losing her even tho I think I never had her. So, I guess you can't lose something you have never had. I don't want to face her tomorrow at school, maybe I should skip it but that would make me look like a stupid idiot because I wouldn't show up and face her. I have to face her. I have to face my fears.