Learning To Love

chapter 19

"You've always been very competitive..." I smirked.

The waitress came back with our coffee and told us the food would be here in a bit.

I stared at the coffee a little wryly. It was about to be noon and I was driving. Though, because I'm a reckless piece of shit, I've driven home drunk a few times. Though, you never ever should. I knew I was more than capable to drive with only one drink, not even. It was coffee, coffee sort of cancels it out, right?

"Ollie, your overthinking, but of course you don't have to drink it." And with that he tipped his cup back and drank about half the cup, though, they are small.

Of course I'm overthinking, I'm in love with you. If you died in my hands, my life would simply crumble.

I took a small sip, letting myself slowly and quietly ponder if I wanted to drink the entire cup.

"And since when have I been competitive?" His tone was lowered, edging on a growl.

"Pft, since ever. Your competitive with everything? Never being late, the first one to offer, the first to help, the first to give opinion, you can't lose or it tears you up." I was surprised I even knew this, and I realized we were back at our game.

"Maybe your the competitive one since your still trying to win." He had a dark smile. An impulse ran threw my head to jump over the table and tackle him. With that, followed a small memory. Maybe a year ago, I remember the band and Lucas all played football in Tipsy's backyard. As I was running with the ball, Lucas rushed at me. The sun was burning and his skin was glistening with sweat.

"Hm, maybe." I took another sip from my drink.

"Lucas, what made you want to work in Emergency and paramedic training?" I asked suddenly. It always puzzled me. Lucas was so much like us, rebellious and light hearted. We had tattoos, wore peircings, and apparently, to soccer moms, do satanic rituals in public bathrooms?

"I want to help people, I want to be important. So that one day I can look back and think about how successful and proud I am. And all the while I was Goofing around with you idiots." He had that nostalgic look on his face.

"In a way, it brings me meaning in life to work really hard for something, anything." He took a sip from his drink.

I liked his answer, I was glad he was as open about it, becuase now I can think about it when there is nothing left to say, and we sit in silence.

"Do you have any other jobs you want?" He leaned on his elbows over the table.

"Not really. Music is all I have. It just, washes everything away. If I didn't have music, well I wouldn't be he-" I cut myself off, maybe even if I said it, it would sound like a joke to show how dedicated I was. But it was the truth.

He nodded, with that completely blank and unreadable look on his face. Sometimes I think that I know him so well, but someone like Lucas is indescribable and uncommprehendable.

My emotions were giving me whiplash, I was in total bliss to be here with him, looking at him. But my mind spun and coiled around itself, my heart beating fast and shattering at the same time.

Of course I'm overthinking, I'm broken and beaten Lucas, that's why I need you to save me.

"We don't know if the band will really go anywhere, I mean, we've had a few songs on the radio, opened for a few big bands. But were still having a hard time getting a loyal following." I said it to fill the silence, and make up for my miserable comment. I didn't want to give him the chance to think about it.

"I see. I mean, I've seen you guys almost every step of the way. I just wish I could get more involved."

"You do your doodles, that's all we need from you Lucas. That and those cookies you make." I managed to make him smile.

A lady with arms full of plates came to our table and greeted us with a smile.

"Enjoy boys!" She cheered after setting our plates down.

"Let me know what you think of it." I started with my salad, and mixed it around, trying not to spill it.

"Sure does look good" he set his napkin on his lap, protecting his pants if it were to spill. He took a fork full of ravioli and gulped it down. A smile spread on his face as he pointed to his plate with his fork, rolling his eyes.

"Okay, yep. That, is freaking good." I chuckled shaking my head. That was my reaction too.

When I started my plate of ravioli, Lucas was practically done his and was moving on to his salad.

The sweet, salty explosion of the tomato sauce filled my mouth in happiness, with its acidic aftertaste. The meat and pasta had good texture, and made the sauce taste even better. I was more than satisfied, I was thrilled. I had a great view, right in front of me, and great food. What was not to enjoy.

We didn't speak to eachother, just enjoyed our food while looking around at the restaurant, enjoying each other's presence. After we finished our food the waitress took the empty dishes away, and promised to come back with the bill.

I had only drank half of my coffee, too nervous to drink the rest. Lucas smiled, shaking his head.

"Oh Ollie, you worry too much." He took my cup and tanked the rest of it down, licking his lips.

"I always worry Lucas."

Two waitresses stood about a foot away from us, one with a check slip in her hands.

"I'm going on my break, can you give the check to the couple over there?" She handed the machine to the other woman.

Lucas looked at me with shadows on his face. "Did she say couple?" He growled.

"Uh, wha-"

"Excuse me, we are not a couple!" Lucas stood up from his seat and yelled towards the two woman. I scanned the restaurant around us, thank god we were secluded from everyone. My heart started racing. What was going on?!

"I'm sorry, I didn't know. I just-" the woman who had served us all night stood there in a panic, I felt sorry for her.

"Lucas, its okay. Just calm down." I stood up, gesturing for Lucas to sit back in his seat. I could see sweat pouring down his temple, his eyes were wild. Was it the coffee? No, Lucas wasn't an angry drinker, he was a laid back, I'm-ready-to-fall-asleep drinker.

"No, its not okay! We are the furthest thing from a couple." He looked at me with that same look on his face he had the night we kissed. The night he shoved me away in disgust and shame.

"And we will never be one." He took out his wallet and threw a few bills on the table before storming away.

I stood there, frozen.

He was always running away from me, always pushing me away and coming back. But who knows, maybe this time he wouldn't come back. But if he did, he would come back to open and loving arms becuase I would always forgive him.

"I'm so sorry!" The waitress cried, with tears in her eyes.

"Oh please don't cry, its okay. Trust me, you didn't do anything wrong. He's just, having a hard time right now. Are you okay?" I walked over to her, placing my hand on her shoulder.

She took a deep and ragged breath, nodding her head.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean anything by it!" I shook my head in dismay.

"You'll be alright, go on your break and enjoy it. I'm so sorry, don't let him ruin your night." I gave her my friendliest smile which seemed to work its usual charm, becuase she smiled and nodded.

"Thank you."