Learning To Love

chapter 25

"Lucas! What's going on!" I felt cold but my body was sweating profusely.

"Look, just calm down. It's Jessica. I can't- she just- she knows Ollie." The line went silent.

"How?" My chest was hammering.

"For fuck sakes." He whispered and it went silent again.

"Look, I didn't end things with her, and I haven't talked to her in a few days. I went to see her so that I could break things off but the second I was there, she was all over me. I pushed her off of me and told her I didn't want to, and she got all pissed. She asked if I was cheating on her, I didn't even know if we were actually dating. We were just talking, went for coffee like twice. Ollie, she's fucking crazy. She took my phone and-" he suddenly stopped rambling, panting heavily.

"I don't know how to say this. Ollie, I have pictures of you on my phone. From your social media, group photos. I-" My heart was beating so hard, I felt like I was going to have a panic attack.

"She figured it out. She figured out I like you. She's pissed and she's going to tell everyone. She's going to say it to everyone that were-"

"Gay." I whispered and he choked.

I heard him whimpering, we were both panicking, I bet he felt exactly like I do right now.

"Ollie, people can't know about this. People can't know I like you! This is so fucked. What do we do?" He was completely terrified.

"What about the band." I whispered, staring out but not really seeing anything.

He fell silent again.

Robert!

"No one can know!" I suddenly yelled out in rage and panic.

"We have to meet up and figure this out, what are you doing right now?" Lucas's worry bled into me like marker. Not that I just was worried for me, I was worried for him. I couldn't do this to him!

"Nothing. I'm gonna drive over right now!" And with that I started the engine and back out of the parking lot.

"Okay, um. Okay!" And he abruptly hung up the phone.

"Fuck!" I yelled hitting my steering wheel. My eyes burned but no tears could fall. That numbing feeling started again and it was like I was fighting for control over my own body.

Not to go to the only place I've ever wanted to go.

Under the bridge.

I wondered if I still knew the people there, distributers, old highschool 'friends' and druggy ex girlfriends that I would kiss in the backseat of their parents car. Swooning them with the "I'm in a band" and then ruining it when I couldn't get my stick up for a woman.

I chuckled to myself, menacingly.

So Lucas, this is how we go down. Some bitch named Jessica. I suddenly didn't feel bad anymore becuase I would rather him be with me then some toxic fuck who will gaslight him into having sex with her. Like every girl tried to do with me. Except a few, who were more so embarrassed for me, they ended up leaving with no goodbyes.

I finally arrived at Luca's apartment, my car didn't even seem to keep up to the speed of my thoughts. They were everywhere. Avoiding confrontation with my own feelings.

I knocked on his door and it opened before I could finish. When I opened it, Lucas was standing there with red eyes.

I came in, we did talk at first. Both too flushed to even say anything. Like panic, panicked breathing and wide eyes. I decided to break the silence.