Learning To Love

chapter 42

WARNING: trigger warning, mentions of death and suicide are mentioned and talked about in this chapter. Drug abuse and substance abuse is relevant. Please read knowingly.

It was windy at night, it pulled the trees along with it and whistled through my ears. I stared at my phone as I waited for Grayson to show up. Ollie was asleep, but I'm sure he wouldn't be too anxious if I was gone for a moment. I was grateful it wasn't raining again as cars rushed by the busy street.

Finally Graysons car pulled up to the curb and shut off as he parked it. He came out holding a piece of paper.

"Careful, it's windy,'' I warned and gestured to him to stand beside the building which blocked most of the wind.

He used the flashlight from his phone to look at the papers in his hand. It was a newspaper. My brows furrowed as they read and searched the page, until finally a name caught my eye.

"Elizabeth McLain," I whispered as I read the underlined title. "Died in 2016 at 36 years old, her son Ollie McLain was only 15 years old when he discovered her body. Doctors say she overdosed and died in her attic where her son found her...." My heart dropped into my stomach.

I stepped back, holding my chest.

"Are you okay?" Grayson asked, reaching out a hand to balance me.

"H-he never told anyone." My lips felt dry and my tongue stuck to the roof of my mouth.

"He never told us how she passed, never mind he was the one that found her body!" Grayson pointed back at the newspaper but I didn't want to look at it. There was a photo of them all together, it was taken in a studio with a simple white backdrop. His mother looked vibrant and Ollie was holding her hand. Next to it was a photo of just Robert and Ollie. Ollie had a cast around his wrist and his face was distraught. Beside him, tall and scummy was Robert. His face was straight and unbothered, his eyes had an eerie look to them that made me uncomfortable.

"Is it just me, or does it seem strange that his face shows no emotion, while his son looks like a fucking mess beside him.'' I was relieved to hear Grayson say it.

"Are you sure he won't know this is missing?" I asked and my tone was harsh and defensive, even though I didn't mean it to be.

"No way, there was shit everywhere, papers all over the place, things and tools everywhere. I had to dig pretty deep for this." He sounded confident so I trusted him. I had to remember that Ollie was Grayson's friend too, not just mine. He was invested in this too, not just because I told him to be.

"I'll hide this in my car," I took the paper from him and he nodded.

I didn't go back up to Ollie's room after Grayson left. I walked around in the dark while thoughts swarmed me. I had assumed it was from illness or something but I didn't expect it to be a drug overdose. Reading through the paper it said there were bottles of antidepressants by her body.

I shook my head. I couldn't get the idea of Ollie's mortified face out of my head. Why would Ollies mom kill herself?

Because robert wasn't just a piece of shit towards Ollie, he even drove his wife to suicide.

I took in a deep breath, but it seemed like no matter how much air I breathed in, I was suffocating.

She killed herself, and Ollie found her body.

I don't know if I should tell him, that I know. But then he would know about my secret plan. I couldn't tell him I knew, and that broke my heart.

I ran my fingers through my greasy hair and sighed. Tears started to well up in my eyes but I wiped them away before they could escape.

How can someone so broken, smile like he does?