Still Amazed (Urban)

These Are My Confessions.

KOURTNEY

"I never got the chance to meet his mom, or any of his family members. He got crazy with me and I went off to Atlanta without a trace." I solemnly said.

"Like Andre from Empire crazy?" Yori asked.

I couldn't help but laugh. "Yeah." I simply said, remembering the heated altercation like it was yesterday.

"Chris, I'm so sorry for your loss." I hugged him. Ever since the loss of his mother, I haven't seen him.

The Chris I used to know was loving, funny and wise. This Chris is like a robot, so numb to his emotions.

"Kourtney, I'm fine. The only thing I'm worried about now is my little brothers. I need to get another job in order to support us all." He tells me.

"Baby, I understand that your thinking about your brothers but what about your moms funeral tomorrow?"

"I'm not going to her funeral," He stated. "I want to remember her alive, not in a casket." I nod, understanding where he is coming from.

"I'll always be here." I said softy.

"Thank you." He said before walking to his car.
---
Everything with Chris and I was slowly changing. I could see it in his eyes he wasn't him anymore, something has taken over. I still love him with all my heart. It's been a week since I've seen him and he's on his way over.

My phone vibrated, indicating an incoming message. Its Chris telling me that he's here. I walk outside and into his car.

"Baby, I know I haven't been myself lately. But all of this is so new to me and I don't know how to deal with it." He paused. "It's been a week since my mothers funeral and I feel like it's time for me to finally say goodbye. By visiting her, with you."

I look down and began foundling with my fingers. It's time for me to finally confess to him, the guilt has been unbearable.

"Uh Chris?"

"Ko?"

"I wanna confess to you about something," it is now or never, I thought to myself. Before opening my mouth again. "I'm not exactly Nineteen, and my father is alive." I let out a sigh of relief.

After a year and a half I have enough balls to confess and be truthful. I want to be honest with him because I love him and I feel like he deserves to know.

"What do you mean?" He looked at me sideways, his ears turning red.

"I'm actually sixteen, and my dad lives in another state, with his wife Lisa." I said embarrassed.

"After a year and a fucking half, you now want to be honest with me? I've been down for you and honest since day one!" He yelled. "The one thing I asked you was to keep it real with me because you know how I feel about people lying to me! It took me years to forgive my mom for lying to me about my dad!" He hit the steering wheels over and over again, then snatched my arm, cutting the blood flow.

Tears started forming in my eyes, Everything became blurry.

"You don't realize how fucked up this is! I could go to jail. Have you ever thought of that?"

"Baby."

"Don't fucking baby me! If you lied to me about the little things, how do I trust you to not lie to me?!" He yelled.

"Chris, please hear me out." I pled.

"I wanted you to come to my mothers grave with me because I can't do it alone, I needed you!" He cried.

"I-" before I could finish my sentence he cut me off.

"Shut the fuck up! You disgust me." He angrily said finally releasing my arm. "Get out."

"Chris!" I cried.

"I'm going to close my eyes and count to two, if your ass is still here I might have to put my hands on you." He closed his eyes.

I opened the door and got out. Before I got the chance to close the door he drove off.

My arm hurts but not nearly as bad as his words, I ran into my room and flopped on my bed. I could hear moans coming from my moms bedroom. She didn't care about my well being. I shut my ears and cried even more.

I need to get out of here. I can't live my life with all I've caused. I quickly searched for my fathers number and gave him a quick call.

"Daddy."

"Baby girl are you okay?! What's wrong?" He asked in a panic voice.

"I need to come live with you. Now." I wept.

"Hold on." A few minutes later he got back on the line. "I booked you a ticket and tomorrow morning a taxi will be outside waiting for you. I'm at a conference, I'll see you tomorrow. I love you." He said before hanging up.

The girls looked at with understanding, I was expecting to be judged. I'm so blessed to have these amazing women in my life.

"And just like that I left with no words to anyone. I left my phone, and my mother never bothered to ask me where I was going." I said.

CHRIS

After the much needed sex, we cuddled enjoying each other's company in silence. Making her wait was the best idea.

I decided to break the silence and tell her about Kourtney, it's best for her to know. I know Tiffany, she's gonna have a problem with that.

"Baby?" I asked

"love muffin." She tiredly said. I laughed a little, because I know I was the one that did that.

"Remember my ex-girlfriend Kourtney I mentioned to you?"

"Yeah why?" She asked looking up at me raising one eyebrow.

"She's in one of my classes." I confessed.

"Hell noo. Do I fight her now or later?" She asked, with a serious look on her face.

Even though Tiffany knows a little bit about Kourtney, she doesn't know what happened between us. I keep that private until I fall in love again.

"Stop it. She's a non factor in our relationship, there's no reason to get crazy." I said, as I rubbed her back.

"Then why'd you tell me?"

"Because I don't like holding anything in." I said, kissing her forehead.