Forbidden Desire

Ten.

There's this split second of half consciousness before you open your eyes at an unknown place. At first you think you're at home; you expect to be at home. It feels like you're going to turn your head to the right and open your eyes, and then you're going to see your roommate's bed.

Instead, what I saw was an off-white wall. No. I close my eyes, count to five, and open my eyes again. Fuck. Shit. No!

No no no no no. This can't be happening. No way. No fucking way. It couldn't have happened. I start recalling last night's events but all I remember is Flynn kissing me against the wall. Shit. Did I sleep with my teacher?

I feel tears rushing out of my eyes. It doesn't feel like crying, but I just can feel my face burning, my head aching, and my cheeks getting wetter and wetter with tears. That is crying, right?

"You alright?"

It's him. His voice is angellike, and despite what he has done to me, I can't help but get excited at his voice.

"Alright?!" I scream. "Alright? What is your definition of alright? I just fucked my teacher while I was drunk and now I don't know what the fuck I'm going to do? Yeah, then I am alright, I guess," I snap.

"More like you did not fuck your teacher because you cried yourself to sleep after you were almost getting fucking raped by that narcissistic fuckface Kevin; and considering you were high-not drunk- at the time, I was just wondering if you were coping alright."

"What the fuck? Are you messing with me?"

"No. Are you alright?"

"No?"

"That's what I was guessing. I'll make you some breakfast while you take a shower and get dressed. I'll drop you off at the dorms afterwards."

And with that, he just leaves me alone.

I step into the shower, turning the hot water on. I feel kind of distant. Even though I now know about the whole story, I still don't remember. It feels like something that has happened to someone else, like somebody else's story. I mean it's horrible and I feel sorry, but I can't help but wonder; did Flynn ever actually kiss me?

"You like pancakes, right?" Pancakes? Wow, I was expecting like cereal or something.

"Yes, thanks," I mutter. I notice Kate and Drew asleep, cuddling on the sofa. I smile.

"They weren't that cute when they were making out on my daughter's bed. I shouldn't have allowed this."

Suddenly, I feel guilty. This is not just about me. "I'm sorry," I mumble. He places two warm pancakes on my plate and two on his own. He doesn't use a fork or a knife or anything, he just starts munching on it.

"What are you sorry for? It's Rachel who is supposed to be sorry."

"Don't get mad at her. It was her birthday, after all," I say, as I start eating my own pancake. "Why are you eating them plain?" I ask.

"I can't bother with toppings," he says, with a straight face. He looks like he has no energy left in him.

"You can't bother with pouring chocolate on that thing?"

"Yep. I can't bother with anything that requires me to lift my arm."

"Jeez, give that to me," I order.

"Are you that hungry? Fine," he laughs.

I throw a glance at him before I start topping the pancake with chocolate sauce and strawberries. I place it back on his plate. "Eat it."