Will I ever // Naegami

Chapter 16 // I can't stop feeling like this

———

Makoto's heart pounded in his chest. His breathing was unsteady, his eyes darting from one place to another, Makoto trying to focus on an object in the room to distract himself.

What was happening to him?

Whenever Makoto was around Byakuya, this feeling would always overcast him. It was a feeling that would engulf him and make him feel helpless. He tried to distance himself from Byakuya on the weekend, but that obviously hadn't turned out quite right for him.

Makoto was surprisingly good at masking these feelings, acting as if they had never existed at all in the first place effortlessly. Of course like all things though, the truth would eventually reveal itself.

Makoto knew Byakuya would eventually find out that he fell for him.

———

As he always did, Makoto decided to push these emotions into the back of himself and carry on with his day.

...How long had he felt like this, anyway?

Makoto had always felt a bit different about Byakuya than everyone else, but these feelings soon started to surface. Makoto then developed some other feelings, only making the existing ones only grow stronger.

Of course— the tragic cliché love story. A commoner in love with a noble, except a more realistic version. It never turned out as the commoner would be disregarded and the noble would act as if the other never existed. Makoto hated to think that Byakuya would do anything like that. Instead, he distracted himself with other things like homework and assessments.

Along with that, the holidays were also nearing.

It was November now. Wow, the semester had flown by. Makoto knew he still had around a month and a half of school left, his new units starting soon as his class had finished the old ones.

Makoto balled his hand into fists as he tried to force a normal expression across his face. Whenever he was around Byakuya, all he could do was blush and nervously smile.

That was another thing. All Makoto could think about was Byakuya. It wasn't bad, but Makoto wanted to always be with Byakuya so badly. To be held by him. To cuddle with him. Maybe even for him to kiss Makoto...?

Makoto got flustered thinking about that stuff, shaking the thoughts from his head. These feelings had recently become more powerful, flooding his mind whenever there were mere mention of something even barely related to Byakuya. Makoto felt so helpless, like he was drowning in this sea of emotions. What could he do? He didn't want to stop loving Byakuya, but these emotions kept rubbing in his face that Byakuya would never feel the same. That broke Makoto to think of it.

"Hey Byakuya." Makoto exhaled loudly, standing next to Byakuya. "Are you alright?" Byakuya tilted his head to the side.

"I—I'm fine! I'm fine, I really am." Makoto stood awkwardly, hanging onto his left arm as to stop himself from moving around so much. "Maybe you should go home, you seem a bit out of it. I can walk you there." Byakuya looked over in the direction of Makoto's home. "No, I'm really okay." Makoto said a bit too firmly than he'd wanted too.

"Very well then."

———

The train ride was long, awkward and quiet. The occasional small talk occurred, but apart from that the two barely talked.

It was kind of similar to the time when they first met. Makoto fell helplessly in love with all of Byakuya without even noticing it at first, and he was now trapped in this terrible cycle of loving someone who will never love you.