i sound really really down bad and, well, i am.
he's still cute and short- i mean everyone is kind of short compared to me now, not to flex- but like, it's adorable. on this warm summer day, he's wearing a white t-shirt with this cute little sweater vest. i need to find more adjectives than cute but i have brain rot. head empty.
taylor finally parts and wipes his eyes, instantly perking up when he sees jensen.
"hey, you're here! i forgot to mention that i invited jensen, too. oh my god, i cant believe we're all together again."
he rather aggressively takes jensen by the hand and drags him over to see me. remember when i thought i could throw on whatever shit because i don't need to impress anyone? well i'm an idiot.
looking down at him, i gulp, and i can feel the blood rushing to my face. everything i do to make myself look less flustered, makes me look more flustered.
i try to nonchalantly lean on the wall with my hand, but i just look like those guys on tinder posing with a fish. he stands before me, fiddling with the clasps on his black patent shoulder bag, not knowing what to do with his hands.
all my energy is focused on getting this next interaction right. steadying my breath, i just want to get out a cool, casual,
"hey."
oh god, my face feels so hot you could cook an egg on my forehead. for some reason, my voice came out super deep, like i was trying to pretend like i was corpse husband or something, please. taylor glances at me like "what the fuck was that" and desperately tries to hold on his laughter.
the silence that followed is so loud.
clearing my throat, i attempt to cover it up with a cough.
"um. hey."
even under the cover of his effortlessly tousled black hair, i can see his cheeks betraying a light blush, probably out of secondhand embarrassment.
he sheepishly waved at me
"...hi"
jensen's hand outstretched but then immediately retracted, like he's unsure of wether or not to go in for the hug.
i kinda hunch forward and raise my arms, showing that it's fine. at a painfully awkward manner, we inch closer together.
taylor was standing by, watching it all unfold, but in my peripheral vision see his leg ever so slightly extend into jensen's path.
"watch out-"
it's too late. he trips and launches forward, falling down until he reaches contact with my chest. honestly, i froze and didn't try to catch him or anything. my reflexes are shit and i never know what's going on, so i could never be so suave like those kdrama protagonists.
he lets out a tiny yelp, like a puppy, then bonks into me. i tense up and blush even more than before. an aroma of citrus and pastries hits my senses, like a lemony fruit tart.
we're pressed up against each other closer than we have ever been before, i can feel his breath on my neck. surprisingly, it's not uncomfortable just...comforting. like it's meant to be this way.
jensen timidly glances up at me, and we share a bashful smile.
this intimate distance allows me to fully take him in. those sweet, smiling eyes haven't changed a bit. his perfectly rounded button nose and pillowy lips seem as kissable as ever- i mean-never mind. but what's really changed is that jawline.. i swear it could slice me in half. also since when did he get kinda buff?must've gotten them guns from playing the cello.
not to sound like a desperate creep, but i'm very familiar with his face, despite being apart for three years.
we only have one picture together, and it was my only way to see him. jensen doesn't really use social media, the only things he posts is food or landscapes and the occasional shadowy silhouette, but never his full face. it really seems serial killer stalker-y, but i studied that blurry polaroid harder than i did for the sats.
some time ago, i'd nearly forgotten what he looked like and became terrified of losing his face ever again. after many restless nights of raking his features, i've finally been able to absolutely solidify jensen's image in my mind. i really could never get him off my mind. i guess it's not like i really tried to forget, just daydreaming of him gives me free serotonin. i know it's really pathetic, hopelessly clinging onto the idea of a long lost infatuation...
but forget about that! he's here now! in my arms! holy shit!
i blanked out and probably lingered a second or two too long, as he delicately releases himself from my grip. instinctively, i try reach out and hold him again, but i stop myself. i wish we could stay like that forever.
red faced, he keeps his eyes to the ground
"uhm, sorry, haha"
before i can say anything, he fumbles around in his bag and pulls out a small velvet box.
"i almost forgot, this is for you."
its surprisingly weighty and i curiously pop the lid open. a silver necklace with a large charm unveils itself. wide-eyed, i lift the chain up to inspect. it's definitely not what i expected, i didn't expect anything at all.
"it's a locket"
jensen chuckles
"taylor says it's so you never forget us again."
sure enough, a button on the side of the charm opens up to reveal a small picture of jensen and taylor posing with their thumbs up with my face crudely photoshopped into the background, unquestionably taylor's handiwork.
"i...i love it. it's perfect."
a wide grin spreads across my mouth and my heart feels warm and full of adornment for my friends. i mean, if it was the other way around and my friend moved away and ghosted me for three years, i'd probably be like 'fuck you, man'.
taylor beams at me
"glad you like it, it was a team effort."
standing on his tiptoes, he reaches up to ruffle my hair (that, admittedly, has not been washed for many days)
"anyway, we should get going for our grand reunion lunch! or dunch, or whatever this is."
"wait, we're going somewhere?"
"yeah, what did you think? i wouldn't go all the way here just to see you, you're not that special."
jensen gives him a look and rolls his eyes
"kidding, kidding. besides, i'm doing you a favor, you need to get out more. come on!"
panicked, i just gesture to my whole being
"but i'm gross!"
he just looks me up and down, not saying anything but definitely not disagreeing with me.
"ugh, ok fine. go get ready and meet us at starbucks."
they start to walk off and taylor shouts back to me
"don't keep us waiting!"
but, jensen lingers to say
"take your time, don't worry about it. see ya soon."
//i am down bad, i fear. writing next chap rn. also i realized that taylor and jiri's dynamic is literally karlo and sam OOPS but i think taylor is nicer and more like clingy?? i hope but we'll see more of their relationship later tho hehe//
