with our palms pressed up against another, i can feel his pulse coursing through his warm fingertips.
compulsively, my fingers have the immense urge to interlock with his and they slowly inch forward. an inexplicable impulse felt by both of us at once.
just then, puzzled, taylor shoots us a backwards glance. jensen and i seemed to have stopped dead in the center of the sidewalk, lost in our moment. i didn't even notice. to be fair, i never pay attention to anything, but all i know is that i can't focus on anything but him right now.
almost instantaneously, jensen drops his hand and continues walking. again, as if nothing happened at all. still stunned, i kinda stand there for a moment, wondering what the fuck just happened. thankfully, i quickly locate my friends in the crowd and my long stride catches up to them in no time. the scent of funnel cake and sea foam fills my senses along with carnival music and voices from kiosk vendors among a buzz of lively conversation. also children. so many little children. there's so much to take in, yet i can't focus on anything at all. i'm the type to get easily overwhelmed but it's not even that, i just feel so... detached, formless. why can such a small action leave me hanging speechless and short-breathed, when he feels all but nothing?
"hey! look, it's a giant frog!"
taylor excitedly points ahead towards the boardwalk carnival games and, indeed, there is a giant stuffed frog hanging above a mock shooting range. before i can protest, he grabs my arm and drags me over, and jensen shortly follows suit. an automated voice with a bad country accent emerges from the speakers.
"howdy there partner! ready to get rootn' tootn' and shootn'? step right up and take your best shot, cowboy!". he settles into position as the countdown timer starts
"man, i really want that fucking frog"
jensen hypes him up from the sidelines
"you got this!"
taylor expectantly looks at me for words of encouragement, which i begrudgingly oblige.
"i don't know, you're the one playing call of duty every day so if any one of us can shoot, it's probably you."
he smiles
"aww, thanks jiri, i appreciate it."
the timer ends with a jarring beep and taylor furrows his brow in concentration. a cartoon bang sounds every time he hits the wooden moving targets, depicted as train robbers scurrying around the set.
a flurry of motion ensues with a cacophony of sound. honestly, so much is going on i can't even tell of taylor is winning or not, but i cheer him on anyway. the shooting stops and a suspenseful tune hangs over us as it projects the final score. and... he shot 4/30 targets.
"damn it! i really thought i did so well"
taylor sighs in defeat
the old man at the counter gives him a candy anyway, probably out of pity. i thought we were done with these cowboy shenanigans, so i start to wonder in the direction of the sweet, sticky smell of funnel cake. to my surprise, instead of following behind me, jensen takes up a plastic gun, too, and gets ready to shoot.
"i'm gonna win this frog, taylor. watch me!"
i cant help but stare in wonder as he shoots them down one by one, bang sounding one after another. he maintains a relaxed yet controlled posture, one eye closed and two hands on the gun. how can such an agent of violence be so graceful? this is a glorified nerf gun at a carnival, of course, but i'm still kind of concerned that he looks good holding a weapon...what does that say about me?
the final score is calculating and we are bubbling in anticipation. a few seconds in suspense, and the leaderboard boasts a triumphant score of 25/30!
"whoa, how did you get so good?"
taylor squints at him in lighthearted suspicion
"are you one of those rich people that shoot birds on their estates?"
i murmur, kind of talking to myself
"makes sense, i guess. musician... hand-eye coordination and shit"
giddy, jensen strolls to the counter and excitedly points out his score to the old man
"sorry kid, it's 28 for the frog, but you win this bear fair and square."
after a momentary blip of disappointment, the man gives him a teddy bear rivaling in size to the frog, holding a big red heart. he comes up to us, triumphant with his catch. it makes him look like a little kid, the bear is almost the size of his entire torso. jensen sticks out his arms and beams at me.
"this is for you!"
dumbfounded, i say the stupidest shit ever
"who??"
he shakes the bear, urging me to take it
"you!!!"
i just point at myself, still not getting what he's saying
"me..? why? you won it. i didn't do shit."
now he's the one flustered, instead being all smug and nonchalant like usual. cheeks tinted red and eyes wide, a tinge of panic flavors his voice.
he shoves the stuffed animal into my chest with a huff.
"it's my prize, i can do what i want"
suddenly he starts to speed walk towards the funnel cake stand, leaving the two of us behind. it would be ridiculous to continue to resist the gift at this point. again though, i hate feeling indebted to someone even if they insist they want nothing in return. makes me feel shitty for not doing the nice thing first. anyway, it's not like i even deserve gifts. for what, existing? still... i really don't want to let this go.
gazing down at the stuffed bear, my face involuntary curls into a smile. it's just like the one i've imagined since i was a child, fantasizing about a boy winning one for me. and that red felt heart clutched between its plush arms. red like jensen's sweater today, red like my face when i'm around him. could he have known somehow? it was probably just a coincidence, after all, these prizes are common. even though i know he was just being kind, as he is to everyone, i can't help but wish it was for a different reason. dare i say, something to do with his feelings for me?
//it's so interesting writing in the pov of someone simping for someone that is like way shorter than them LMAO. it never even feels like i wrote that much but it's already over 1000 words 😐 why cant my essays work like that smh //
