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white night- nct 127
instagram- dean
sesame syrup- cigarettes after sex
autumn. we shed our summer skin, sun-kissed and filled with hazy memories and humid nights only accessible through polaroid pictures. now comes reality.
september is one long hangover. maybe green day had a point, i wish i was in a coma the entire month. a slow and arduous decent into the conformity of daily life. the summer still lingers like a stain on your conscious, yet you're desperately trying to wash it clean, to have a brand new slate. maybe it's just me?
this dreadful month was only made worse because of jensen's birthday and the fact that nobody fucking told me it was on the 22nd! so i just stood there like an idiot while he balanced stacks of gifts from his friends, generous and plentiful. delicately wrapped parcels the size of my palm, to huge, hulking gift bags struggling to contain god knows what. i'm probably inflating the scale of this, but i haven't received this many gifts in my entire lifetime. i don't think i could've bought anything worthy with the state of my wallet anyway, but at least something.
surprisingly, he turned down his other friends' offer to go do karaoke, and said all he wanted to do was go to korean barbecue with me and taylor. i apologized for my lack of gifts and offered to pay the meal (even though it would probably send me into financial ruin), but he refused. he just smiled and said some beautiful flowery bullshit about how "just your presence is a present!" which, i admit, still made my heart flutter. actually, he ended up paying for all of us on his credit card (totaling $130) because "it's a gift to treat you guys!". i repaid a whole $4.99 covering the cost of my dr pepper and jensen's iced tea as a thank you. just call me a sugar daddy at this point.
crisp october mornings seemed to be my only savior. something in walking through a blanket of fog, listening to slow, echoey songs on full volume snapped me back into the present like a nun rapping my knuckles with a ruler. maybe it's just the anxiety of college apps kicking on, or maybe i'm getting my shit back together? who can tell?
//
filler chap to accelerate time to the present bc it's fun to write about them in their senior year at the same time as i'm going thru it :)) so yea nothing much also i forgot what i was writing about like halfway thru lol. this shit still longer than my UC PIQs tho 🤨//
