My Crush's Bestfriend

》Chapter Twenty《

"It rains when you're here and it rains when you're gone." -Taylor Swift

-UNEDITED-

---

Breaking the news of my father's passing to my mother was not easy.

After all, she was the woman who stood by him during his good days and bad. The woman who never gave up hope that he would get better. The woman who even after all the horrid things he did to her and me, never stopped loving him. I loved him too. 

We cried in each other's arms, looking through photo albums and reminiscing on the good. 

My father's parents, my grandparents who never visited us, insisted on taking care of all the funeral arrangements. They didn't seem sad. If anything they appeared to be annoyed, viewing their son's death as an inconvenience. 

I couldn't help the hatred I felt towards them. 

I blamed them for my dad's condition. 

They didn't care to get him the help he needed when he was younger. They would simply punish him for his outbursts and mood swings, blaming it on teenage hormones. 

It wasn't until my dad met my mom that he sought help for his condition. He told me all this one night while tucking me into bed. He told me that he loved my mom more than anyone else in the whole world. He told me how she never looked at him with pity, she loved him despite his difference. She loved him when he thought no one ever would. I was young at the time but old enough for the words to stick with me. 

Maybe that's why he was so ashamed of himself. Maybe that's why he refused to see us when we visited him. He hated himself for the things he did. He hated himself for the pain he caused the people he loved the most. My heart broke at the thought. I wish I could have told him just how much I loved him one last time. To tell him that I forgive him. That I knew he wasn't himself. But I can't. All I can do is hope that he knew. 

---

My mother called the school, explaining the situation to them so that they would allow me some time away. 

I've been home for four days. 

I'm annoyed at myself for hoping that Alex would show up to check on me like he did the last time. 

I'm angry at myself for caring about such trivial things when my father's funeral was two days away. 

I should be mourning the loss of my father but instead, I'm sulking in the absence of a boy I pushed away. A boy who was not my boyfriend. 

Was he mad at me because I avoided him and his questions? 

Anger boiled in me at that. How could he be angry with me? Did he really just expect me to pour my heart out to him with our friends less than ten feet away? He expected me to reveal my hand when he still held his own close to his chest. It wasn't fair. 

It wasn't fair to Jordan either. For me to be trying to seduce his best friend when he wasn't around. For me to be thinking about him more than I should. Alex consumed my mind and he was starting to make his way into my heart. 

I tried to seduce him that day on the beach. I don't know what came over me but I wanted him to see me in my swimsuit. I wanted to feel his eyes on my body. I wanted him to tell me I was beautiful. I wanted him to want me. 

He may not have said those words to me but he didn't disappoint either. A shiver runs down my spine at the memory of his eyes trailing over every inch of my body. His gaze heated with desire, leaving my entire body hot and my face red. His cold uninterested demeanour returned shortly after but I saw it. I saw the way he looked at me. I can feel the blood rushing to my face now at the mere memory. 

 He wanted me. At least I think he did. One thing I was sure about though is that I wanted him.

My eyes widened in shock at that confession. 

I wanted him. I wanted Alex. I don't know why this shocked me when I've been infatuated with him for as long as I can remember. Now that I know him though, the feelings have grown. The feelings I hope I could vanquish by dating his best friend only intensified as I got to know Alex better. 

I wanted him so why was I trying so hard to push him away? 

Before I could change my mind, I grabbed my keys and left the house.

I needed to tell him how I feel, consequences be damned. 

If my father's death has taught me anything it's that life is too short to not go after what you want. 

And Alex is what I want. 

---