Please Don't Read

July 28, 2021

I'm literally just sitting in my car waiting for doordash, but there hasn't been anything since almost an hour ago. I'm tired and really want to go to bed but I need to stay up to see if something comes in only because I need the money. It's really hot out, why do the summers in the midwest have be so hot. Plus let's not forget to mention that there is a heat advisory yet that is how this time year is all the time. I have been having a lot of mental health problems again, that lovely moment when yoy want something to work right more than once and it decides to say "no I'm not going to do that for you, you only get that one time and now you have to find something new because this is never going to work for you ever or at least a really really long time." I swear there is possible autism spectrum, depression, trauma, and maybe ADD to add to the already a problem anxiety. I called my mom the other day and cried on the phone for an hour, an hour long crying and beating the same handful of things that are a problem that I come up with plans to fix them and my life and the world around me says no. Though on a good note of today I got some laundry put away, dishes in my dishwasher put away and then refilled the dishwasher, hand washed the rest ( I haven't seen the bottom of my sink in a while, it's a little sad), took the trash out, and got a shower because again it is hotter than blazes right now with the heat index right now. But on another good note I have made $7.75 and I get to enjoy this slightly cool breeze and listen to the crickets sing. I don't like living in cities, I miss the farm town my parents live in. It's too loud and not enough nature, like yeah there is nature every where but sometimes it feels so forced. I feel like a nightmare and am rambling, but it really does help when I do this. I hope no one finds this anytime soon since there won't be any tags.