If I have had so much negative stimuli in the last few years that I have worked this job, would that explain the reason I feel the existential dread every Tuesday? Like I almost could not sleep it was so bad last. I didn't want my day to end so I didn't have to deal with what was going to "inevitably" happen that next day. Hubby and I went to bed at 10 last night since he's walking up at 4 all week long for work, I stayed up until almost midnight because I just couldn't bring myself to go to bed. I felt like I messed something up or I don't know something else in general. I didn't want to get up in fear of waking up hubby or by the dogs waking him either, and possibly having to walk them and I hate walking them that late at night in this town. It is way too creepy for me. I just don't get what happened. I really don't want to have to worry about this existential dread bleeding into the other days of the week for me, I'm barely managing as it is with Tuesdays being like this. Though typing this out has helped a little. Not much but a little. I can feel my heart racing all over my body. Which I will take over being in pain because of stress.
Oh this day just keeps getting better. I had to clean up pee off of the floor because some elderly guy peed all over the floor. He didn't say sorry or anything, just took his things and drove off. Like ew. I will clean poop, vomit, blood, and maybe some other things but pee is almost a hard no. Like so much ew. I hate people so much when they do things like that.
YOU ARE READING
Please Don't Read
Non-FictionI don't know what this is. There is only one tag because I don't really want anyone to read this, I need a space to write and get things out. I really don't know where I am at the moment in my life anymore so I'm going to try something to help me.
