Embracing Scars

4: broken coastline

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AIAH

It's been two weeks since I returned, dalawang linggo ko na ring patuloy na sinusuyo si Mikha— the pain was just repeated each day every time she ignored my presence and efforts but I don't care because I love her.

Now I was going around the busy streets, enjoying the early freshness.

Colet was still asleep when I went out; I just wanted to exercise because I rarely do in Canada due to my heavy workloads and tight schedules—wearing my navy blue shorts and white cropped hoodie jacket, paired with my white adidas shoes. I jogged for a while.

As I shuffle my feet for another lap, my thoughts turn to Mikha's actions towards me.

She changed dramatically as a result of the agony I had caused but I didn't stop with the pain because I continued to pursue her, I tried so many times to explain my side but she wasn't interested to hear it anymore.

I understood I'd lost Mikha the night I left her for them.

At dahil sa desisyon na 'yon, naglaho lahat ng pangarap ko— nawala sa akin ang pinakamamahal kong tao.

My happiness was taken away in a short period of time— I lost everything that night.

And the repercussions of my conduct were being reflected in the way Mikha treated me at paulit ulit akong nadudurog dahil doon.

Her eyes hardly touched mine, the way she dismisses my existence and invalidates what and how I feel, destroys my heart.

My Mikha dislikes seeing me cry.

My Mikha is careful with words when she talks to me.

My Mikha will never think to hurt me.

Pero nagbago lahat iyon dahil sa isang iglap, hindi na siya takot na saktan ako at naiintindihan ko iyon dahil kasalanan ko lahat kung bakit nagbago ang salitang "siya" at "ako"

But I won't give up on her— I won't give up to put back "us"

Kahit ilang cake pa ang masayang, patuloy akong gagawa.

Kahit ilang luto ng ulam pa ang itapon niya— I will still cook for her.

Kahit ilang tarak pa ng kutsilyo ang saluhin ko tulad ng mga salitang naririnig ko mula sa kanya ay tatanggapin ko.

Kahit masaktan ako ng paulit ulit ay hahayaan ko.

Because I love her, even though it pains the both of us— I'll never stop loving her.

A sigh escaped from my lips as I roamed around the area.

The morning breeze was calm, the trees were beautifully grooving with the air as the sunlight felt warm on my skin.

My thoughts were preoccupied until I noticed a pet shop, a facility where abandoned pets were saved.

I don't want to adopt one, but out of curiosity, I enter the facility and witness several types of dogs barking and wagging their tails whenever they encounter guests.

"Good morning, Ma'am" A staff member politely greeted me, I smiled and greeted him back.

"Oh, good morning" I said

"Want to adopt?" He asked tailing me as I roamed around the cages were the dogs are.

"Maybe?..." I answered. I don't know but I think adopting a dog will fill my emptiness, I wish.