she's my idol btsxreader

No.38

Author pov

Everyone has been so supportive with y/n the boys and Lucy all stayed with y/n for a whole two weeks they went to the beach most of the time or they went swimming and ect

Y/n has gotten better she will never be the same but at least thats what they thought

The boys and Lucy have gone home Lucy complaining about wanting to stay more same as jimin

Y/n and tae have gotten really close sometimes in the early morning when everyone is asleep they will go for a walk and watch the sunrise together

Suga learning how to stop his nasty insults to people and to calm his anger down thanks to y/n and jins scolding

Namjoon and Jin progressing into a small relationship but in secret sadly

Jungkook and y/n still bicker all the time and sometimes they pulled pranks on the other family members

Jhope teaching y/n new dance moves which she highly appreciated

Jimin and Lucy fighting constantly for y/n attention

Everyone was happy to be honest they all needed the two week brake and they were happy that they spent it with their family

They really we're like one big family y/n knew now she wasn't alone anymore none of them we're because they had each other forever

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Author pov

Y/n was currently at her mums grave she asked if she could go alone since everyone was insisting that she went with at least one person but she convinced them after a while

She wasn't mad at their actions but instead happy that they cared so much

Y/n sat down on the grass in-front of her mums grave

She smiled sadly at her mothers picture on the grave to be truly honest at night when everyone was asleep she cried alone and they didn't seem to see her wearing long sleeved shirts even though it was so hot they didn't notice that but y/n wanted it like that

"Eomma im sorry for not coming earlier...i miss you a lot Miss kim is really amazing right? Eomma i hope you know im not replacing you im just happy i have a mother figure again thats all....s-she reminds me so very much of you she was the one who took jin in and raised him and she cared for him im so happy he got to live with such amazing people"

This is when the topic that was mentally destroying her was brought up

"i-i hope you aren't mad at me for taking you out of the hospital I really didn't know what to do nothing was helping no one was and you died when i took you out the hospital"

This is when something just mentally clicked in her head

"it was my fault wasn't it eomma! It was me who killed you! I did! How-how could i e-even do such a thing..i was being selfish i thought i was in the right to take you out because the doctors weren't doing anything but in reality i took you out because i had n-no money left to pay the hospital thats why all this time i was telling myself i took you out because they didn't do anything but it was me if i kept you in the hospital you would still be here with me I WOULDN'T BE SITTING IN FRONT OF YOUR GRAVE TALKING TO A STONE! IF I KEPT YOU IN THE HOSPITAL YOU COULD BE AT HOME MAKING ME YOUR HOME MADE FOOD I COULD SEE YOUR SMILE AGAIN I COULD HEAR YOUR LAUGH AGAIN BUT NO! I can't.....im a killer" y/n had tears pouring out her eyes the rain wetting her once tidy hair her heart was breaking it was so broken she really felt like someone has just stabbed her heart repeatedly with no mercy