The Sanctuary of Yesterday

1.19 | The beginning of the end

Sage sat on the familiar leather chair, staring at the familiar Christmas cards and posters, smelling the familiar scent of jasmine in the familiar office.

"Sage," he sighed, "Why are you here today?"

"I feel out of control. There's too much happening and I don't have enough say in it. I'm seventeen years old and I am losing control of magic, something I've been taught to have a hold of since I was spouting it out accidentally. My brother and best friend are constantly risking their lives, and for what? No one is going to care they worked to help the light in the end! They're marked! The two youngest death eaters to ever be marked. My mother's dead, my father's a wanker, my only living family member has decided to undergo all Slytherin personality traits and become a bloody Gryffindor," she ranted, using animated hands to show her anger and frustration.

Her therapist, who's known her for years, had a hard time holding his chuckles in at the child-like temper tantrum coming from the girl, something he had never witnessed even when she was younger.

"I see where your frustration is coming from, and as always we may have a solution, even to fixing your lack of control with your magic," he started, making her sigh in relief, "but tell me how all of this makes you feel, Sage?"

"I feel helpless. I feel sad and angry and scared but most of all I feel alone."

"But you have two loving host parents and a wonderful group of friends, why do you feel alone?" His face nor tone were judgmental but more curious.

"What do they understand? Every day they wake up and can say 'My name is' and it's true. I can't wake up and say, 'Good Morning, my name is Sage Nott and I moved from England via a house-elf who made a promise to my dead mother, who was murdered by my wanker of a father, by the way, to take me and leave once the Dark Lord came back' now can I?" She groaned, throwing her hands up in frustration, "All of them love my brother dearly, and some of them even love Draco, but they don't understand because while, yes they are my family, but they aren't my family. My family is thousands of miles away being ruled over by a narcissistic tyrant with mommy and daddy issues. Do you know what I always thought was weird here? They're blinded trust in Ancestral magic—like yes, we also practice Ancestral magic back home, but our own Ancestral magic, from our families. Here they take faith in a random group of people who call themselves the Ancestors. That's a load of superstitious super-stupid bullshite. I practice Ancestral magic, even here, but I have no faith or trust in them to protect my brother's life, not an ounce of it."

"Have you tried to explain this to them? Tell them how you feel?"

"Of course I have," she cried, "They just don't understand! My whole life here is a lie. I miss England so much it hurts. I miss the magical villages, I miss the food, I miss wishing to go to Hogwarts and I miss my people."

"Sage, it seems to me you're homesick," he said, writing notes in his paper.

"We'll call me crazy but I can't imagine why," she drawled.

"Sage, how often are you having anxiety attacks?" he wondered, noticing her nervous tick starting.

"Two, maybe three times a week," she said, looking anywhere but his eyes.

"And what do you do to calm them?"

"Grace helps a lot. I can't explain why but her magic when I'm in that state is calming, warm, loving. It reaches out to me," she says, with awe in her voice.

He hums, "As a mothers would."

"Wouldn't know," she joked, hiding the pain right in the middle of her chest.

He ignored her words, not adding fuel to the fire, and asked, "How do you think you fix your feeling of being out of control?"

"Usually, we, me and you, find a project I can take over until I feel I'm not always as out of control as I seem, but..."

"But what? Did it not work last time?" he asked, raising his glasses back up his nose.

"No, it did not work this time. I have a project, you see. I have complete control over it and it was then while working on it the first bout of accidental magic happened," she explained, throwing her hands up once again.

"Maybe that is not the solution we need this time, but something else is? Do you have any idea of what that may be?"

"No," she sighed, looking up at the ceiling, "I have no idea."

He nods his head at her, "Sage, why do you think this is happening?"

"Because I'm- I don't know."

"You do, you do know. Tell me," he urges gently.

"Because I- I'm scared," she whispered as if telling her deepest secret.

"And why are you scared?"

"Because my brother may die, my friends may die all while my father lives. Because their fates are in the hands of a bunch of
children who have no clue what to do, have no money, no experience with fighting, no bloody backbones and live off the motto "for the greater good" and refuse to kill because "it would make them as bad as the Death Eaters" because apparently the Death Eaters and Voldemort are going to give two flying fucks if these tossers won't send an AK when they're dueling. I'm scared someone's going to find me and mom and dad and they'll find my friends and we're all going to die. I'm scared of losing the only thing I have left—my humanity. I didn't leave Nott Court with a lot, but I did leave with my humanity and I'd rather die than have that taken from me," by the end, her voice had risen almost to a yell, but he wasn't startled or scared, even when he could see the magic sparking through her hair.

"Would you like to know what I think?"

"Please," she pleaded.

"Well for starters, your magic is out of control due to the fact that you are out of control. And you are, Sage and it's okay. Your fears are valid, your worries are valid, your pain is valid. You are valid, Sage. But, we cannot control everything, at every moment of every day. Life just doesn't work that way, and I need you to understand that," he said, making her nod, "I need to you say you understand me, Sage, this has been an ongoing problem for too long and it's consumed you. With the way your world looks right now, we need to correct this."

"I understand," she said, holding back the tears.

"To get under control, Sage you need to accept it. Accept you can't control everything, accept the war, accept your fears. Embrace your emotions, Sage Vera Nott, because you are no longer the girl who just left Nott Court, in fact, you are no longer the girl I met just a few years ago. You are okay and will be okay no matter the outcome. You still have your journal, correct?" he asks, and after an affirmative nod he continues, "I want you to write in it, write your emotions, identify them and take control over them and don't hide them or push them down. Write what is bothering you, and if you can not fix it, let it go. Accept yourself, Sage. And practice those relaxation techniques."

"Why does this feel like a goodbye, Doctor Charles?"

"I'll always be here to listen to your stories, Miss Nott," he smiles at her in a paternal way, "Besides who will bring little ole squib me to Diagon Alley one day?"

Sage shakes her head as tears roll down her face, "I promised you and I don't get into the habit of breaking them. As soon as it's safe, we'll go to Fortescue's so you can meet Theodore."

"I'm looking forward to it," he smiles.

"Until next time?"

"Until next time, Miss Nott," he says as she reaches the door, "And Sage?"

She turns back to him with a questioning look, "Stay strong."

She gives him a small smile and nods her head before closing his office door.

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A.N.
last part of this book!!
Welcome Dr. Charles to our book, also. This won't be the last we see of him, don't you worry