Show Me the Stars - Jennifer Jareau x Reader

fourteen | the right to complain

At 10, Henry was long asleep — you'd put him down tonight, which he seemed happy about and for which JJ was grateful — and your head was again in JJ's lap, a blanket covering you up to your neck. "Is...uh...is it okay if..."

You trailed off, and JJ asked, "What, my love?"

"Is it okay if I...if I talk about something?"

"Of course, honey," she said very gently. "What about?"

"About, uh, about Levi, not— not what he did, not then, but...different. Kind of. I— I'm sorry, I don't really make sense right now..." You sat up and shifted the blanket so it only covered your legs.

"It's okay, hon, I understand. I'll just listen — even if you don't really make sense," she chuckled to lighten the mood. You smiled.

"Are you sure? I just...I don't want to upset you, or make you feel bad or, or weird,"

"I'll be fine, Y/N. You can take your time if you want, I'll listen as long as you want me to." You nodded and JJ started to put her arms around you. "Come here, beautiful." You let her hold you, and you felt far more comfortable then.

With a heaving sigh, you started. "I, uh, I normally would just go along with what he wanted me to do. S...sexually, sorry," you clarified. JJ kissed your head. "It was easier than fighting him. I'm moderately strong, I guess, but he's bigger,"

"You carried me to bed upstairs two weeks ago," she laughed slightly. She was trying to keep it balanced in tone so you didn't get too worked up right off the bat. "But I know what you mean, honey. Sorry,"

"No, it's good. Thank you for making me laugh, love," you said, sighing and tilting your head up to kiss her neck. Her face went red, she'd missed that affection so desperately.

"Mhm." You could feel how flustered she was, and you grinned.

"Hey, baby, you good?" you asked her.

"Yeah, Y/N, I'm good. I'll stop interrupting you. Go ahead, hon." She traced shapes with her gentle fingers over your upper arm, not really paying attention to what her hands were doing.

You got back into the mindset to talk about him. "It's just easier to do what he wants than to fight him. I'll lose either way, might as well do it in a way he'll hurt me the least." You slightly shrugged. "He would get drunk sometimes, but pretty much every night he wanted to have sex. Okay, not every night, but often. At least four or five times a week. But I went along with it. I feel so guilty, Jayje, I'm sorry, I don't have a right to complain—"

"Y/N. Stop. He made you feel like it was easier to just let him have sex with you than it was to say no. Nobody should make you feel like that. I hope you never feel that way with me—"

"No, no, you're...you're different. I've never felt like that with you, Jay, promise,"

"Good. I never want to make you feel pressured into doing anything, I would never want to do that. I'm really glad to hear that you haven't felt that way with me, love." She kissed your head. "Go on,"

"I love you, JJ," you whispered to her. "I really, really love you. Are you getting tired of listening to me? It's okay if you are, I don't want to overwhelm you,"

"No, love, I'm alright. You just talk. If I get overwhelmed or tired, I will tell you, okay? Just tell me everything you want to, I'll stop you if it gets too much. Okay?"

"Okay." You nodded and let her run her hand up and down your arm. "Um...so...I just felt like I wasn't worth anything to him. He always told me I didn't...I don't know how to say it, like, perform well? Like I didn't make him feel good? And I hated it, and I hated myself for failing. Like if I actually did better, I guess, then it wouldn't be so bad."

You wanted to cry, and JJ could hear it in your voice and feel how tense your body was. She shushed and held you, and she wanted to tell you how much she loved you, but she didn't want to interrupt you.

You started to cry, finally, as you kept explaining. "And it wasn't, like, telling me what I could do better, but it's— it's just berating me. 'We've been together so long, how haven't you figured out how to treat me right? You have no fucking idea! You're terrible at sex, Y/N, you whore.' It just...it kinda hurt, y'know?" You dried your eyes and leaned your head against JJ's chest.

"Honey..." she said.

"Yeah," you wept. Just so she knew you were listening.

"He's an ass," she said. "I am so sorry that he's been so terrible to you. I swear, my love, I will never treat you like he did. If I ever do or say anything to hurt you, or that reminds you of him, I want you to tell me so we can get through it together and make sure it doesn't happen again,"

"Okay, hon," you murmured. "I will, I promise,"

"Okay. Good. What else, love? Anything else? Don't feel like you have to, I just wanna be here for you,"

"That's all for now, I guess. I don't think I can handle any more," you tried to laugh. "Um, thank you. For listening. I really love you,"

"I love you too. How about we go up to bed, love? Hmm?" She traced more shapes on your arm until you nodded and you both got up.

You both got ready for bed. JJ still turned away when you changed, but at least now you didn't cry whenever you took your clothes off. She turned back around and smiled.

She came over to you and put her arms around your waist, clasping her hands behind your back, and you held her waist. You started to sway side-to-side, and a gentle smile crossed her face.

"My beautiful girl, I love you more than anything, and I need you to know that. I'll always be there to support you and love you, honey, 'cause you are the love of my life,"

"JJ, can I kiss you?" you whispered bashfully. She smiled.

"Of course, honey." You went in for a kiss and JJ brought your bodies flush against one another. "How's this? Are you okay with this, my Y/N?"

"Mm, yeah, Jayje." You hugged her, and her arms also tightened around you. "Baby, I'm tired, will you cuddle with me?" you pouted a little.

"Yeah, honey, let's go."

You both got into bed and JJ hugged and kissed you. She let you hang onto her like a sloth, and you fell asleep holding on tight to her waist, your head on her chest and your leg slung over hers.